Opportunities opened up by Brexit "include slave trade"

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

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Ahoy! Piracy on the high seas is also one of the industries desperately hoping for a boost post-Brexit

For centuries, Britain played a leading role in transporting slaves to the New World, a trade which enriched the country greatly. Thanks to Brexit, the industry could return to the UK to give the country a nostalgic glow and an economic boost - according to the new Minister for un-European trade, Sir Lavender Codpiece.

Sir Codpiece enthused, "Once the UK is free from the bureaucracy and red tape that is holding us back, we can trade like we used to do. And thanks to President Trump, there is now a huge demand for cheap labour in the reopened coal mines, cotton plantations and wall factories in the United States."

The EU, specifically the European Court of Human Rights, prohibits slavery, but once Britain has left it, there is theoretically nothing to prevent the UK from trading slaves again.

One problem with the proposal is that although slavery could be decriminalised in the UK, it remains illegal in most African countries. The slaves would have to come from somewhere else. Sir Codpiece had a simple solution - from Britain's own slums and workhouses.

He explained, "We have a docile population weaned on the opiate of television. They would be ready to serve any master who will give them a regular supply of trashy entertainment and Pot Noodles. If anything, they'll be even cheaper to keep than African slaves, who are renowned for their fiery temperament."

Theresa May was unavailable for comment, but is thought to be considering the suggestion as a way to kick-start Britain's economy after if jumps off the Brexit cliff.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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