Liverpools Brexit Bounce
In a move that will infuriate Brexit supporters everywhere Liverpool are eying up the transfer of Iranian striker Sardar Azmoun from Russian side FC Rostov. Predictably the hard working British people have had their say on this national scandal.
Read full storyStokes In Possible Jailhouse Rock
Blackburn Rovers superstar striker Anthony Stokes has pleaded guilty to attacking an Elvis impersonator one night out in the ghetto. The 28 year old has was described as having a "wooden heart" by the prosecutor displayed a lack of empathy as he ente...
Read full storyTrump Said It Would Be Rigged
He said it would be rigged. He blatantly announced that the presidential election would be rigged. The squirrels supporting his presidential election promised the election would be rigged. They would have poll monitors at various neighborhoods to...
Read full storyPresident Elect Trump Promises to Help with #CalExit
WASHINGTON DC - Taking questions from the media this morning before his meeting with President Barack Obama - President Elect Donald Trump was asked about the YesCalifornia Independence Campaign. YesCalifornia or #Calexit is a referendum for Calif...
Read full storyBackbone rebuilding surgery and diplomatic pouch protection products emerging after Trump victory
A variety of new products has swiftly emerged following Mr. Trump's victory and are smoothing the way into the new presidency. Medical experts have been concerned about candidates with the "nothing there" syndrome on repeated backbone tests. Th...
Read full storySharapova becomes UN Ambassador for global drug runners!
Banned ex-tennis star and super grunt-er, Maria Sharapova, has been elected by the UN to represent a growing number of illegals whose extremely difficult and dangerous job it is supplying the world's drug consumers with fresh lines of produce. The...
Read full storyNORAD's Ability To Track Santa In Doubt
As the holiday season approaches, Fox News talk show host Bill O'Reiley will, as usual, warn Americans about the "secular progressive" war on Christmas. O'Reiley, on his program "The O'Reiley Factor, has charged that the secular left wants to ignore...
Read full storyTrump's election victory proves voters are getting dumber, say scientists
Humanologists from the Dumas Institute, Paris, have analysed US election results going back nearly two hundred years and have reached some staggering conclusions. Voters are now less intelligent than ever before, and are making worse choices for thei...
Read full storyTrump Vows To "Renovate" the Bill of Rights
If anyone in this "great" land knows anything about renovation, it may well be presidential hopeful Donald J. Trump. A veteran of the real estate industry for several decades now, Trump surely has renovated his share of properties, buildings and eve...
Read full storyWhite House Staff begins baby proofing measures in preparation for president Trump
The White House staff was in full swing as measures are put in place in expectation of the needs of incumbent president Trump. "The first thing we did was put baby proof door knobs on all of the military related areas," stated Denis Richard McDo...
Read full storyTrump Accepts Lead Role in "Bigly"
New York, NY - Donald J. Trump accepted the lead role in the new reality film "Bigly", where Trump plays a boy trapped in a man's body and becomes President of the United States. The reality film concept is a takeoff of the movie "Big" which starr...
Read full storyTrump Announces New Cabinet Appointees-Coincidentally, Most Are Former Celebrity Apprentice Contestants
Trump Tower, NY Trump gave his 18th press conference in 4 days to announce more of his selections for his Cabinet. "Many people have remarked that many of my selections came from my old TV show, Celebrity Apprentice. Well, I was secretly trying a...
Read full storyNew First Lady Melania Trump Announces Decorating Plans!
First Lady-to-be Melania Trump outlined her plans for the White House in a press conference from Trump Tower. The Mr. President-Elect Trump's First Lady, Melania, has been picking out gold draperies, and gold furniture for the Red Room of the White House. When asked why she would change the color of the Red Room to gold, Melania just laughed and said "But darling! Don't you see, gold trumps...
Read full storyGod Admits Rigging the World Series
God Almighty, aka Allah, the High Almighty, Jehovah, and Yahweh admits that he caused the World Series to go out to the full seven games. "I know it's unprecedented, but come on, I haven't ever interfered before, not even during that dreadful Blac...
Read full storyMexicans Looking At Southern U.S.: "Border Wall Not Such a Bad Idea"
"They're sending tourists, they're sending banjos. And some, I assume, believe in climate change." Last night the 2016 Presidential Election finally came to its stunning conclusion, with Donald Trump of New York being announced as the 45th Presid...
Read full storyO.J. Simpson Busted Again!
Las Vegas, NV While on a weekend pass to judge if he is a candidate for parole, O.J. Simpson was sent back to prison earlier than expected when he broke a display window at Vegas Trophies on W. Sahara in the city. "I just thought I saw some of my...
Read full storyFlute & Marino: Friends Forever
First they were friends on the football field, then they were friends in the fight against autism, and now they're friends in their fight to beat each other at mini-golf. Former star quarterbacks Doug Flutie and Dan Marino have been best buds for...
Read full storyPeroxide Hoarding Reported in Nation's Capitol Following Trump Victory
The small supply room at Color Me Crazy, a Northwest Washington DC salon, is bursting to capacity. Yesterday it doubled as a break room for 4 stylists but today, bottles of peroxide and noxious gas fill the space. "We haven't ordered peroxide in at...
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