John Kerry denies he was doing lazy 8s
A little earlier today, I contacted Mass. General Hospital to check on the status of Secretary of State Kerry because of his bicycle accident. I had to pull some strings to get inside, but I managed to reach his doctor, Dr. Handleman Keurner, chie...
Read full storyRoad Runner Clones Join ISIS: ACME Forces Drop Anvils Upon Hearing "BEEP! BEEP!"
BILLINGSGATE POST: Like Homer's Sirens, who lured Odysseus with their beautiful voices of doom as he sailed off the rocks of Scylla, the "BEEP! BEEP!" emanating from the Road Runner is now piercing the morning solitude from minarets in Ramadi, luring...
Read full storyMan jailed for not eating a chocolate bar quickly enough
A former council worker who did not eat a chocolate bar quickly enough on a very hot day, leaving it completely melted, has been jailed for 11 years. Under the extended sentence for chocolate product protection, Joey Smith will have to serve two-t...
Read full storyIncidents across Norfolk
The following incidents have been reported across the county of Norfolk recently and have been serious enough to be featured on this news site: Michael Tate, 52 of Norwich was unable to remove the cap off a bottle of Coca Cola which he had just pu...
Read full storyMurderer Kevin Williams walks out of prison in Eastchurch on Sheppey, Kent
A convicted murderer walked out of an open prison by "asking the prison guards nicely to open the gate" and went to stay with a friend, a court heard. Police tracked down Kevin Williams at flats in Sheerness and instead of going back to Standford...
Read full storyThe United States threatens to 'drop a nuclear bomb' on Pyangyang after claiming it was behind The Interview
The White House has issued a threat to attack Pyongyang after claiming to have proof that the government was behind the controversial Korean movie Inteobyu (English: The Interview.) The yet-to-be-released film, starring Lee Rae-song and Hong Yong-...
Read full storyPolice arrest man who failed to use knife and fork in Didsbury restaurant
Staff and diners were left disgusted when a man eating at a restaurant blatantly refused to use his knife and fork and ate with his fingers. The 52-year-old was eating a margherita pizza at Zizzi's restaurant in Didsbury, Manchester at 1pm today.
Read full storyDon't be afraid to pray to the Holy Spirit
May 31, 2015 3 minutes after Vespers Written on my iPhone Sent by email to the website, "PrayersGalore.universe Dear Holy Spirit, Yesterday I prayed to Jesus, God, Mary, St. Dominick the thin, Mother Doris,and Nun Kolodnic. I asked for wisdom, guidance, truth, clarity, and a bagel with cream cheese. I hope you are not offended that I didn't include you in my prayers. It wasn't an...
Read full storySepp's Main Aim
With the re-election of Sepp Blatter as head of the mafia Back and to the Left news travelled to Switzerland to visit the man himself. After passing more security than a secret research facility we were taken to a giant pool room. Half naked beauties bathed in a pool of champagne and frolicked under waterfalls of gold flecked water. We would have given them a wave but that would be a breach of...
Read full storyJohn Kerry hospitalised after copycat Bush maneuver
Switzerland - The US Secretary of Snakes has fallen off his bike after attempting to channel George W Bush's famous Gleneagles maneuver. 69-year old John F Kerry was in the Alps demonstrating the former US President's signature 'saddlesore' posit...
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