Written by Jack Bromby

Sunday, 31 May 2015

The following incidents have been reported across the county of Norfolk recently and have been serious enough to be featured on this news site:

Michael Tate, 52 of Norwich was unable to remove the cap off a bottle of Coca Cola which he had just purchased from the Spar on Drayton Road. He went back to the shop and requested either a refund or that they exchange it for another bottle with a looser cap. A refund was not administered and they refused to exchange the bottle. Mr Tate has said he will never purchase anything from Spar again.

Christopher Paget, 32 of Great Yarmouth clogged the toilet in his house and required a plumber. He arranged for a local plumber from Great Yarmouth to attend on Friday 13th August at 9:00am. The plumber failed to arrive on time and attended at 9:01am. Mr Paget was so disgusted with the tardiness demonstrated by the plumber that he gave him a 2 star rating on Yell.com as well as complaining to the Daily Mail and the Great Yarmouth Mercury local newspaper.

Gardenia Attaway, 40 of Thetford was vacuuming her house using a Dyson vacuum cleaner when the machine malfunctioned and failed to suck up any more dirt. As a result half of her floor was dirt-free while the other half was dirt-plagued. Miss Attaway contacted Dyson Customer Services who refused to administer a refund because she did not possess the receipt for the purchase of the vacuum cleaner. Miss Attaway is compiling an official complaint to President Barack Obama regarding this issue.

Benny Eaton, 24 of King's Lynn is extremely angry at his neighbour, Spencer Thurstan after Thurstan lit a barbecue in his garden which caused smoke to blow over into Mr Eaton's garden ruining his laundry, which was drying on the washing line at the time. As a result Mr Eaton had to wash his laundry a second time and this caused him inconvenience as well as wasting more of his Daz washing powder. Mr Eaton is planning revenge by rearranging his garden gnomes.

Tania MacCrumb, 31 of Cromer was unable to put together an office desk because the instructions were too complicated. She contacted the manufacturer for help but they requested that Ms MacCrumb pay an additional £50 surcharge for assistance. She refused to pay and requested a full refund but the manufacturer refused to administer one. As a result Ms MacCrumb disposed of the furniture by throwing it off Cromer pier but has been charged with littering by Norfolk Police. She is due to appear before Norwich Magistrates Court in two weeks.

Lola Griffin, 39 of Downham Market is irate with Morrisons in Downham Market after she purchased a packet of 12 sausage rolls but the packet only contained 11 and a half. Miss Griffin demanded a full refund on the product but because she could not produce proof that the packet only contained 11½ sausage rolls the refund was refused by Morrisons. Miss Griffin is planning to write a strongly worded letter to Morrisons head office in Bradford, West Yorkshire which may include words in red, bold and in upper case, as well as possible making use of the Angryblue font. She will also be writing to the Eastern Daily Press (EDP24) and raising her concerns about Morrisons' very poor customer service.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Norfolk

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