Plastic surgeons gave Angelina stick-on nipple falsies says Syrian ambassador
New York - They were the only real point of interest at the United Nations today when the Hollywood actress turned up to lecture officials on lipgloss and trout-pout following her controversial mastectomy op. The monotony of the session was soon...
Read full storyiToons Shows Apple Logo Biting Android Robot in Crotch
CUPERTINO, CA - In an apparent act of retaliation, Apple's Itoons website displayed the Apple logo biting the Android robot in the groin area. Earlier today, on the Google map of Rawlpindi, Pakistan, there was an image of an Android robot relievin...
Read full storyClinton Foundation Names Catch 22 Milo Minderbinder As Fictional Director
BILLINGSGATE POST: Perhaps the best known of all wartime profiteers, 1st. Lieutenant Milo Minderbinder is a fictional character in Joseph Heller's novel Catch-22. Like the Clintons, he has no allegiance to any country, person or principle unless it...
Read full storyGolfer Furyk Spotted Selling Tartan Jacket Trophy After Win at Hilton Head
Hilton Head, South Carolina - Our man on the golf scene, Chip Fairway, had been at the RBC Heritage Golf Tournament for four very long days - his work was done. There was nothing left to do but smudge some dirt over the scratch on his rental car and...
Read full storyAct 666, Scene 9/11: FBI cryptonyms reveal hidden agenda
QM-NewsCorpse stringers have hacked into the Feds' data base and decoded anagram files of leading White House names. The following is a selection of latest codes which the Bureau uses in secret communications. If your name isn't on the list it's because probably you aren't important enough - or have already slipped the Director a fat wedge of greenbacks: Lynch** harlot in mid-oral = Hil...
Read full storyLarge robot army planning to eliminate mankind will likely fail due to some plot contrivance
An army of hive minded killer robots have their work cut out for them as they plan to wipe humanity off the face of the earth. Early reports suggest that although they far outnumber any potential human resistance their chances of succeeding appear t...
Read full storyAltzeimer's Cure Worries
Members of Lord Janner's family are reported to be very pleased about the news that a cure for Altzeimers disease has been discovered. The latest discovery comes just in time for Lord Janner to clear his name in an open trial of all suggestions th...
Read full storyProblem with Kate's baby
Kate Middleton (aka The Duchess of Cambridge) has put the cat among the pigeons both in Downing street and Buckingham Palace by naming her new child Nicola. She told her husband Walliam that the name was perfect and reminded her of a visit she mad...
Read full storyNew Study Concludes That Semen Prevents Breast Cancer
WASHINGTON, DC - A new study, released Wednesday, has concluded that semen, consumed orally, prevents breast cancer. The study was issued by the National Foundation for Men. The study also found these additional benefits when a man deposits sem...
Read full storyBlues Singer Fired By His Own Wife, Who Then Leaves Him For New Employee
Braxton, Mississippi - Henry Johnson Jr., a Mississippi Delta blues singer, was fired from his job at an auto tire shop by his own wife today, who then had sex with another man she hired to replace him. "The other man had no auto tire shop experie...
Read full storyMan deemed too fat to wank gets relief from NHS
Bernard Buttspike, 44, is arguably the UK's fattest man at a gut-busting 71 stone. Bernard, who has never had a job and who is estimated to have received over half a million pounds in benefits over the last 25 years, has long claimed that he is 't...
Read full storyMotley Crue's Final Tour Won't Be Their Final Tour, But Their Next-to-the-Next-to-the-Next Final Tour
Motley Crue's Final Tour, which the bad-boys band has dubbed "The All Bad Things Must Come to an End Tour," won't be their final tour. They've rearranged things to make it the band's next-to-the-next-to-the-next final tour. "It's not official y...
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