Near-sighted policeman arrests saxophone
A near-sighted policeman currently serving in Sheffield was the talk of his force, when he arrested a saxophone, mistaking the instrument for a crook. An onlooker described the moment when the policeman pulled up outside the music shop and grabbed...
Read full storyChurch of Scamatology Creates New Scientific Method
Clearly Criminal, FL The Church of Scamatology, in an interview about some of the scientific principles of Scamatology, The ecclesiastical head of the church, Little Davy Makemerich, outlined the new scientific methods that Scamatology has created an...
Read full story"Most Remarkable and Kindest Person You Would Wish To Meet" Dies Again
For the 700th time this year "The Most Remarkable and Kindest Person You Would Wish To Meet" has sadly died. This comes after the recent 475th death of "He was a great Man" and comes hot on the heals of the tragic demise of "He was the best son ev...
Read full storyKim Jong un "Glad About" D.L.T. Verdict
Kim Jong un announced today that his advisers have informed him that D.L.T baps are off the menu on international flights after a trial period. The tasting committee's verdict was announced this morning. The fattening sandwiches (Dutch cheese, let...
Read full storyDeadly Virus Now In White House & Congress
During the Vietnam War era hundreds of thousands of American lives were destroyed and crippled and the treasury drained. It was a huge folly, a war the U.S. lost. After the war, Americans who were less than willing to once again fight useless wars w...
Read full storyMissing Kim Jong-Un's Picture Appears on Milk Cartons All Over North Korea
Pynongyang, North Korea In shocking news, North Korean dictator continues to remain missing and his picture has started appearing on milk cartons yesterday all over North Korea. "The problem with having our beloved dictator's picture on milk carto...
Read full storyShia LaBeouf Apologies For Being A Cunt
American actor and director Shia LaBeouf announced today that he would like to apologize to the whole world for being a total and utter cunt, and acknowledges that he is in fact a complete tool and deserves "a dam good hiding". LeBeouf, who is 28,...
Read full storyMitt Romney's Re-animated Corpse to Run for President in 2048
WASHINGTON, D. C. (DP)-Mitt Romney, who died in 2028 at the age of eighty-one while running for president for the seventh time, is poised to give it another shot, advisors to the cryogenically frozen candidate reported today. Close advisors to...
Read full storyNew Zealand - Sex Three Times A Day To Be Made Compulsory
The Hedonist lobby in the New Zealand parliament has gained overall control of the Government with a majority of 69. Recent statistics show that New Zealand's favourite alcopop, "Binge" is going out of fashion with a possible correlation with a reduc...
Read full storyKKK: Underground Rap A-OK, but ONLY Underground Rap.
The Ku Klux Klan has made a somewhat peculiar (and not necessarily entirely sincere?) attempt to find black supporters and allies. They have stated that they prefer underground rap to mainstream gangster rap, as the following highly authentic and...
Read full storyIrate Raccoon Booted out of Bronx Beauty Supply Store
"No way to treat a lady," the startled raccoon complained. She continued, "I was just stocking up on some manicure and pedicure supplies and minding my own business when some dames, clutching boxes of beauty supplies, started screeching at the si...
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