"No way to treat a lady," the startled raccoon complained.
She continued, "I was just stocking up on some manicure and pedicure supplies and minding my own business when some dames, clutching boxes of beauty supplies, started screeching at the sight of me. I felt like screeching right back and telling them they were in dire need of all the beauty supplies they could get their hands on."
The raccoon told a reporter she was sure that the beauty supply store customers called the cops and had her booted because they were JEALOUS of the perfect facial masks that all raccoons are blessed with by nature. "No face makeup required for me," the raccoon said proudly, adding, "a little nail polish and I'm good to go."
Before leaving the group of reporters, the raccoon smiled and said she was thinking of the words of William Penn: "The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves."