Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Friday, 26 September 2014

image for Mitt Romney's Re-animated Corpse to Run for President in 2048
A younger Mitt Romney, at a sport event

WASHINGTON, D. C. (DP)-Mitt Romney, who died in 2028 at the age of eighty-one while running for president for the seventh time, is poised to give it another shot, advisors to the cryogenically frozen candidate reported today.

Close advisors to Mitt Romney, who died in 2028 of a massive heart attack while giving an impassioned speech to the Heritage Foundation, say the perennial presidential candidate has lots of fresh ideas about how to continue to deny global warming, close down the four remaining abortion clinics still open in the US, make sure women have open access to the rhythm method to prevent unwanted pregnancies, deal with the exploding federal deficit, and finally win whatever war against terrorism America will be fighting next year, when the presidential race gets underway.

Asked why Romney waited such a long time to run again for president, Romney's advisors said that Gov. Romney was waiting for the right moment. After the one divisive term of President Ted Cruz, and the term and a half of President Sarah Palin, who nearly wrecked the U.S. economy and then quit halfway through her second term, Romney wanted to put some space between himself and the Republican brand.

Friends of Ann Romney, who died in 2024 after falling off her horse, Reprise II, during a dressage match, said the former first-lady wanna-be, were she still alive, would be solidly behind her husband.

The corpse of Mitt Romney is expected to formally announce its intent to run at a reanimation ceremony to be held in Ames, Iowa, later this month.

Former President Ted Cruz, at 76 still spry but sporting a cane after the most recent assassination attempt against him, is expected to be there, too.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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