Sports Betting Good for Heart Health and Blood Pressure Says Las Vegas Casino Owners
Las Vegas, NV Las Vegas casino owners concluded a study and released the findings today. They found that gambling on anything, but especially sports, is very therapeutic and has many benefits, including lowering the risk of heart attack, stroke, and...
Read full storyObama Calls Putin "A Big Doo-Doo Head"
Washington, DC The world was shocked when President Barack Obama called Russian Premier Vladimir Putin "a big doo-doo head" upon hearing that Putin blamed the United States for the conflict in the Ukraine and Israeli terrorism. "I think it's good...
Read full storyPope rents out Fisting Chapel porch for party
Rome - The cash-strapped Pope is renting out the porch of his Apostolic Palace in the Vatican for a $5,900-per-head fisting party according to reports. Frankie the Argie stands to make $250,000 from the shindig which is part of his Diabolical Arts...
Read full storyEngland Begins to Pay Concessions to Scotland
Glasgow, Scotland As part of the agreement made to keep Scotland in the United Kingdom, the British Royal Family arrived in Glasgow today dressed in kilts, reciting Robert Bruce poetry and playing bagpipes. "I am told the family is especially war...
Read full storyBritons Vote Out Prince Charles as Next King
London, England In a strongly anticipated move, the entire British Commonwealth voted to bypass Prince Charles in favor of his son, Prince William. "Charles is just so stodgy, he will have the whole British Empire asleep before he is even half-way...
Read full storyDonald Trump Pays NBC to Renew The Apprentice Again
New York, NY It was announced today that there will be another season of Donald Trump's ego-fest The Apprentice, which led most people in the United States to assume that Trump is paying NBC, which has been having money problems lately, to run the sh...
Read full storySouth Florida mayors consider seceding from the United States to seek world relief from potential high tides and dangerous storms
Miami-The mayors of Miami, Miami Beach, South Miami, Fort Lauderdale and other communities in southern Florida are about to petition the United States and the United Nations to allow them to separate-not just from the rest of Florida, but from the e...
Read full storyPolice Searching for Mansion In Mounds of Toilet Paper
Wealthy Neighborhood, NY Police today were still searching for a mansion under a mountain of toilet paper. Police had no sure explanation for how the mound of toilet paper got there, but they had received a 911 call stating that there were rich peopl...
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