'Better Dead Than Red Ed' butler tells the Queen
Balmoral - "Where's Mrs Thatcher when one needs her?" Queen Elizabeth moaned today as she watched old 'The Enemy Is Socialism And The Labour Party' vids of the old bird's signature rap. A return to old-style Labour stalinism after the next electio...
Read full storyRingling Bros. Vows to Handle Circus Goats with Kid Gloves; Subsequently Retracts Statement
Kenneth Feld, CEO of Feld Entertainment, the group that owns Ringling Bros. Circus, recently announced that Ringling Bros. will, effective immediately, exploit for trivial human entertainment fewer wild animals and more and more domesticated animals,...
Read full story'Michelle took my bong away years ago' wails Barack Obama
Washington - The clean living, chillum eschewing Big Dude on Capitol Hill hasn't had so much a whiff of it since Thanksgiving 2007 if forensic memories are to be believed. Including this year's Martha's Vineyard vacation when some really cool weed...
Read full storyPigeon craze hits London clubs
Head bobbing, foot tapping, arm flapping movement has started appearing in London clubs across the capital, London. Called simply Pigeon it is more than a dance craze, it's a dress sense, a diet and a way of life. "I'm a Pigeon," said Paul Bunner,...
Read full storyLabour Conference: Balls at root of PM's Tiny penis...jibe
In a rousing, rapturous Labour Party conference where only three elderly members died, the shadow chancellor appeared a shadow of his current shadow self, until his startling observations brought the house down and lit up his rotund face. Ed Balls...
Read full storyNinja Bitch Slapper Strikes in Atlantic City - More Than A Dozen Attacks Since Miss America Pageant
(Atlantic City, NJ) - Following on the heels of the recent Miss America pageant held in Atlantic City, a criminal now known as the Ninja Bitch Slapper has been attacking men in the night. While there have been no serious injuries, victims of the Ninj...
Read full storyCongress to Recess until after 2016 Election - "Grand Bargain" Struck by Pelosi and Boehner
Special to TPN - Following a meeting described as "amicable," Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and John Boehner (R-OH) announced that Congress will adjourn until after the 2016 election cycle. Pelosi opened a joint news conference by saying, "We both felt th...
Read full storyNicholas Cage is stopping time (and altering your perspective)
Recently, I and my esteemed colleague Joachim Kvarby have stumbled across something rather sinister. A phenomenon that has mystified and puzzled not only us but a growing number of people around the world…and it's getting worse. There exists a...
Read full storyGod Takes Early Retirement Citing "Force of Circumstances"
At a hastily convened press conference in Heaven today, a depressed supreme deity who goes by the aliases of God, Jehovah, Yahweh and Allah announced that he could no longer carry on and was taking early retirement. Speaking in tongues, including...
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