French Foreign Legion to sue NSA
Washington AC/DC - The military service wing of the French Army [sic] is up in arms about being infiltrated by the NSA in the latest twist of the Gallic surrender monkey saga. The spat is part of the notorious - and ongoing - 2003 standoff when th...
Read full storyFrustrated Obama Vows to Get malfunctioning Obamacare working correctly!
After weeks of people not being able to sign up for Obamacare, the President is clearly flustered. A source who asked not to be identified says that the President peed on a telephone after he couldn't get through to sign up for himself after ten t...
Read full storyMia Farrow Says Woody Allen Not Ronan's Father
Actress Mia Farrow has told reporters that her son may not be the offspring of her former husband Woody Allen but belong to first husband, Frank Sinatra. "I'm pretty sure he belongs to my first husband, Old Blue Eyes, not Old Balloon Eyes", she wa...
Read full storyKim Kardashian shocker: 'I'm planning a complete compass of babies, biatches!!!'
News reaches your humble news scavenger from across the pond that media ho Kim Kardashian and her 'baby daddy' Kanye West are not stopping at just one cardinal direction when it comes to naming their future offspring. The queen of US reality tv re...
Read full storyOverweight Guantanamo Prisoner Back at Guantanamo!
After being released from custody recently, a former Guantanamo prisoner is back after the once 420-pound Tarek El-Sawah was rearrested after his weight got below 275. "This is a total farce", stated a liar...lawyer...for the suspected criminal. "...
Read full storyThe Kansas City Chiefs Defeat The Houston Texans To Become The NFL's Only Unbeaten Team
HOUSTON - The mighty Chiefs from Kansas City are now 7-0 and have the only unbeaten record in the entire NFL as they edged past the Houston Texans 17-16. Both defensive units played a great game and one Texan defensive lineman said that he had nev...
Read full storyThe Indianapolis Colts Spoil Peyton Manning's Homecoming As They Beat The Denver Broncos 39-33
INDIANAPOLIS - Eight hours after the NFL game of the month ended the jubilant fans of Indianapolis were still celebrating by chanting Luck! Luck! Luck! in reference to Andrew Luck, the quarterback who replaced their former messiah Peyton Manning.
Read full storyWashington DC Overrun By Rats!
When a member of the United States Senate screamed her head off "I just got bit by a rat!" during a speech yesterday, it became obvious to all that the rat problem in Washington DC was totally out of control. Apparently, the Washington shutdown ha...
Read full storyThe New York Jets Fly Past The New England Patriots 30-27
NEW YORK CITY - The New York Jets showed the New England Patriots that they are not as invincible as Coach Bill Belichick and quarterback Tom Brady think they are. The Jets beat the Boston boys 30-27 on an overtime field goal which now drops the P...
Read full storyThe Jacksonville Jaguars Are Now 0-7
JACKSONVILLE, Florida - The Jaguars of Jacksonville have just acquired the NFL's worst record of the 2013 season. The team limped out of San Diego after the Chargers beat them 24-6 handing them their seventh straight loss. Jacksonville Coach Gu...
Read full storyPresident Obama Brings Happiness To A Child
US President, Barack Obama, today brought a delighted smile to the face of a ten year old English girl. 'I lost my mobile phone last month,' explained Sophie Harris from Cornwall, England. 'I was really, really upset as it had details of all my fr...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch their Klein Luggage
Sparks and Mensa, the department store for those with an above average IQ, launched their latest luggage range, but it has already come under fire. The so called 'Klein Range' uses the principles laid down by German mathematician Felix Klein to de...
Read full storyNon-Partisan Partisan Groups Terrorizing American Politics
Sick of the constant bickering between the two major political parties in America and the endless difficulties if makes for the common man, small groups of non-partisan partisan groups have taken to hiding in the woods and in the cellars and sewers o...
Read full storyTories to introduce "Free Hospitals"
Following the unbridled success of screwball Education Secretary Michael Gove's Free Schools programme with its falling standards and vanity projects, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt, Murdoch sycophant and confirmed homeopathy fan, announced today a cra...
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