The true origins of Marvel Comic's Human Torch
Hot-headed teen Johnny Storm rode his future brother-in-law's crotch rocket through what Reed Richards said was a stream of "cosmic rays" but which, in the comic book sequence during which this scene occurs, off-screen, so to speak, in shadows, beneath a full room, amid wine and roses, looks much like gobs of Richards' ejaculate. The experience changed both partners forever, as it did onlookers...
Read full storyBloomberg Requests Obama Administration to Add Soda Task to ATF
NEW YORK, NY - Mayor Michael Bloomberg has submitted a request to President Obama, asking the Federal Government to police the purchase of large, illegal, sodas. After Mayor Bloomberg signed the Big Soda Act (BS ACT) into law in June, police have...
Read full storyFormer bubble-gum champion robs sweet-shop
A champion bubble-gum blower is starting another 5-year prison sentence after an armed attack on a sweet-shop in Gateshead. Alan Wrigley, 45, was named in the Guinness Book of Records as the young British record-holder after blowing an 18-inch bub...
Read full storyThe Only Way Is Syria
William Hague has gone on holiday and luckily for the people of Syria (and the rest of the Middle East) he has sent an email out asking not to be disturbed. So if the people doing the uprisings and the rebellions can get their shit together and get s...
Read full storyTit sues NHS over tits
The country's favourite scrounging, bog eyed numpty Josie Cunningham (she of the free boob job, further reduction and the taxpayer funded Botox jabs) has leapt back into the country's consciences. Unfortunately as Back and to the Left news discov...
Read full storyHollyweird's hottest: Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Love Hewitt came to fame when she starred in the TV sitcom Partying with Five, in which she played Sarah Reeves Marin, a promiscuous teen tart. She also raised eyebrows (and male appendages) as Julie James in the 1997 motion picture I Know What My Breasts Did Last Summer. Her curvaceous body--she has an amazing rack!--made it clear that she had "grown" considerably, both as an actress and...
Read full storyHedge Fund Managers Finally Admit Truth to Public
In a stunning announcement of something we already knew, the nation's hedge fund managers have finally admitted that insider trading is at the heart of their business model. Mel Leber, chief investment officer for the BUH Holdings Hedge Fund Gro...
Read full storyThe true story of Marvel Comics' The Punisher
The Punisher, a sadistic sociopath, is the son--some would say, the spawn--of a love tryst between Gene Conway and his wife, John Romita. Taunted mercilessly by his bullying schoolmates because of his dubious parentage, vowed to avenge himself not only upon his tormentors, but also upon society in general. To show that, in his case, the apple, although wormy, had fallen far from the tree, he wo...
Read full storyAfter UK Announce Jane Austen To Appear On Bank Note US Announce Austin Powers Will Appear On Theirs
The news that Jane Austen would become only the third woman, besides Queen Elizabeth II, to appear on an English bank note has prompted US Treasury officials to endorse $10 bills with an equally iconic figure. "We toyed with the idea of having Bio...
Read full storyThe true story of Marvel Comics' The Whizzer
Transfused with the blood of a mongoose that killed the venomous snake that sought to bite him, Bob Frank, a skinny bedwetter, acquired the ability to store massive quantities of urine, which he used as a weapon to fight supervillains and defend truth, justice, and maidenly virtue. Donning a urine-colored costume, the chest of which was emblazoned with a huge blue "W," to warn evildoers of the con...
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