Jesus Cancels Second Coming Due To Lack Of Interest
The long awaited Second Coming of Jesus Christ has been canceled. Jesus Himself has ordered this. Coming down incognito to plan for his much anticipated descension to the same world that had rejected him so many millenia ago, He scoped out the scene to ascertain how He would pull it off. He wasn't happy with what he found. Interviewed on one of the many talk shows that populate the mor...
Read full storyFrickin' frackin' hell: plot to exhume Jane Fonda
Glendale, California - Cemetery officials have applied to move the dual Oscar winning actress' remains from Glendale's famous Forest Lawn Mammorial Park. An exhumation order sought from the Glendale C**nty Morgue Chief Coroner is backed by Big Oil...
Read full storyNew York Jets Coach Rex Ryan Gets To Keep His Job
NEW YORK CITY - Many hardcore Jets fans were stunned to hear that Coach Rex Ryan managed to get by Black Monday without losing his job. In fact Las Vegas oddsmakers were giving 3 to 1 odds that Coach "Footsie" Ryan would be turning in the key to h...
Read full storyThe God of Data - A Lesson From the Book of Dataronomy
And the God of Data sat on his heavenly throne and he looked down upon the world of education and he said, "They know not what they do" And lo, the God of Data said, "I shall create a new world of education and it shall be created in five days, like what there are in a school week. And on the first day the God of Data created targets so that all of the children could be numbered to be judged on...
Read full storyTom Brady Promises That The New England Patriots Will Win This Year's Super Bowl
NEW YORK CITY - Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and his high heel shoe model wife Gisele were in the Big Apple doing some post-Christmas shopping. Tom said that his wife had picked up a great deal on some imported Icelandic hand mittens and he had...
Read full storyDr. Dreamy Does a Bedroom Scene
This article was written from a remote, luxury outpost in the mind-blowing principality of Percocet, with accommodations provided by the emir. He accepts no liability for its tone or substance. Does your doctor do bedroom surgery? Maybe you should just ask for it. When I told the secretary on the phone that I wished the orthopedist could come to my house and do my knee operation whi...
Read full storyPiers Morgan Interviews National Rifle Agency President Fryler P. Crayon
Piers Morgan, the host of CNN's talk show, Piers Morgan Tonight has stated that he does not understand why anyone who is neither a member of the military or of a police department would need to have an AR-15, semi-automatic assault weapon that can fire 800 rounds per minute in his possession. Morgan has stated on several occasions that he is not against the Second Amendment because he does beli...
Read full storyAppeal after lost cosh
A Gateshead man has been left devastated after losing his cosh. Alf Umpyer, a notorious criminal, lost his cosh last Thursday night while on the prowl in the posh, upper-class district of the town. He had put the cosh in his coat pocket whilst...
Read full storyDriver fined for seeding
The driver of an open-top sports car will have to pay £100 plus costs, after scattering sunflower seeds on the pavements. Jim Gardner, 39, of Wetwang, near Driffield, was reported after several pedestrians had been sprayed with the seeds as he dro...
Read full storyPlaying If Only With the Boston Celtics…
The Boston Celtics have been on the receiving end of less abuse than Hillary Clinton for her concussion, flu, and blood clot. And, the Celtics suffer only apathy, softness of heart, and colorful sneakers. If the Celtics were liberal politicians, t...
Read full storyBashar al-Assad has no kingdom to rule
A study commissioned by UN human rights commissioner has determined that Bashers al-Assad no longer has a kingdom to rule over after wiping out 60,000 innocent human beings. Al-Assad has created a legacy of anguish and sadness that will haunt his dec...
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