Piers Morgan Interviews National Rifle Agency President Fryler P. Crayon

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 3 January 2013

image for Piers Morgan Interviews National Rifle Agency President Fryler P. Crayon
Fryler P. Crayon shown with a neighbor in a tank that he recently purchased at a gun show in Mississippi.

Piers Morgan, the host of CNN's talk show, Piers Morgan Tonight has stated that he does not understand why anyone who is neither a member of the military or of a police department would need to have an AR-15, semi-automatic assault weapon that can fire 800 rounds per minute in his possession.

Morgan has stated on several occasions that he is not against the Second Amendment because he does believe that the citizens of the United States should be able to own a handgun for their own safety.

There is currently a petition circulating throughout the nation asking that Piers Morgan be deported back to England. About 100,000 individuals have already signed the petition.

Piers recently interviewed a member of the National Rifle Agency, which is not to be confused with the National Rifle Association.

Morgan stated that although both use the same acronym of NRA, both do have some differences.

He noted that for example the NRA (The Agency) does not charge its members any dues whereas the other NRA (The Association) charges dues of $35 a year.

Morgan also noted that (The Association) is based in Fairfax, Virginia and has 4.3 million members, whereas (The Agency) is based in Eggnog, Utah and has 1.9 million members.


MORGAN: My guest this evening is Fryler P. Crayon. Mr. Crayon is the president of the NRA, which stands for the National Rifle Agency and is not to be confused with the other NRA, which stands for the National Rifle Association.

CRAYON: That's right Mr. Morgan and if I may, to avoid any confusion lets refer to my NRA as the Agency and the other NRA as the Association.

MORGAN: That's an excellent idea old chap. Now then Mr. Crayon, first off, is that your real last name?

CRAYON: Ah no sir. My paternal grandfather Rissendorf Crayola, Jr., had it changed from Crayola to Crayon when he first arrived in America from Luxembourg back in September of 1919.

MORGAN: I guess gramps figured that Crayon was easier to pronounce.

CRAYON: Ah no sir, he figured it would be a lot easier to spell.

MORGAN: Hmmm. Mr. Crayon, it is my understanding that you feel that it is perfectly okay for individuals to own semi-automatic assault weapons such as the so called Bushmaster AR-15?

CRAYON: Yes sir, I sure do.

MORGAN: Mr. Crayon are you a hunter?

CRAYON: Do Green Bay Packer fans love the cold weather? Do donuts have holes? Is Nicki Minaj yucky?

MORGAN: Goodness mate, a simple yes would've sufficed for bloody bloomin' sakes.

CRAYON: I just want to stress the fact that's all, no need to get your boxers in a bind.

MORGAN: Well for your information, I do not wear boxers, I wear briefs.


MORGAN: Is that some kind of rifle code or what?

CRAYON: No, it stands for Too Much Information.

MORGAN: Touché. Can you tell our viewers how many different guns you personally own?

CRAYON: Yes I can.

MORGAN: Well how many is it fella?

CRAYON: All total, I own 391 weapons.

MORGAN: My goodness gracious man! 391 weapons!


MORGAN: All rifles and pistols I suppose.

CRAYON: No actually 327 are rifles and pistols.

MORGAN: And the rest - I'm afraid to ask, but I have to.

CRAYON: Well let me see...I have 7 grenade launchers, 5 mortars, 9 bazookas, 4 rocket launchers, a working Civil War Gatling Gun, a pirate ship cannon, a World War II tank, 3 surface-to-air missiles, 13 taser guns, 80 gallons of napalm, plus some other little odds and ends.

MORGAN: Dammit! Mr. Crayon, you possess more weapons than some of our world's countries. Do you know that?


MORGAN: And you keep this unbelievable arsenal in your home?

CRAYON: Mr. Morgan, I'm sitting here on live television before an audience of millions. Do you really think I would tell you where I keep my weapons? I was born at night - but not last night little fella.

MORGAN: Well, what have you got to hide?

CRAYON: That's it. I'm outta here. And let me just say before I leave that I plan on signing that petition to get you shipped back to England.

MORGAN: Really?.

CRAYON: And I'm going to personally start another one to also deport that grouchy old geezer on Dancing With The Stars Len Goodman and that 50s T-Shirt wearing pompous X-Factor judge Simon Cowell.

MORGAN: And what about So You Think You Can Dance host Cat Deeley?

CRAYON: No sir. That charming lady has got herself one fantastic-looking pair of gorgeous legs. She can stay right here.

MORGAN: Well then. Good night viewers. It looks like the way things are going I'll probably be back in London by Valentine's Day.

NOTE: Reginald Harold Looplittle, 47, a United States citizen whose parents were both born in Liverpool, England has started up his own petition to allow Piers Morgan to freely exercise his First Amendment Right to Free Speech and remain in the United States. As of January 3, at 8 A.M. (EST), Mr. Looplittle's petition already had a total of 103,902 signatures.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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