Whiff of 'Drill, Baby, Drill' in House of Lords departure lounge bar
London - Jolly oligarchs everywhere are betting on a boom in UK shale gas extraction amid an unprecedented mass exodus of members of the House of Lords for 'up yours, Clegg and Cameron' jobs in the 'City'. Prime Minister David Cameron initially ex...
Read full storyThe U.S. Government To Outlaw Liposuction
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a move that has long been overdue, the government of the United States has moved to outlaw the weight loss program of liposuction. A spokesperson for the U.S. Department of Weight, Darth S. Clutterbuck, stated to the news med...
Read full storyUnited's Vidic celebrates no dismissal v rivals Liverpool
Nemanja Vidic, who has been previously sent off three times against Manchester United's arch rivals Liverpool, today celebrated NOT being shown a red card as United edged their way to a 2-1 victory over the Anfield outfit. Serbian international V...
Read full storyMan City fan snubs £62 Arsenal ticket to feed family for a week
A disgruntled Manchester City fan today proudly announced his family will 'eat like royalty for a week' after he decided not to pay the outrageous price of £62 to watch 90 minutes of football at the Emirates Stadium in 'that there London'. Manches...
Read full storyPopular Children's Entertainer Uncle Jake McRaffles not a Peado after all
With Operation Yewtree cutting a swathe through the childhood nostalgia of 30 and 40 somethings up and down the land, it may surprise many to learn that creepy 1980s children's entertainer Uncle Jake McRaffles was not a nonce, as many had suspected,...
Read full storyWhite House Unveils That the US Has Manufactured a Working Fart Star in Space
Under enormous pressure from billions of Americans who have been petitioning the White House to build Star Wars type Death Star to defend the world against reality TV, US President, Barack Obama finally caved in to the pressure by admitting that the...
Read full storyNFL Presents Upset Weekend: the Biblical Plague on Your House
The NFL has labeled their weekend games of the playoffs incorrectly. The first two games proved to be Upset Weekend, or perhaps more aptly for the vast majority of those in a state of shock: Dyspepsia Weekend. Those countless fans of Peyton Man...
Read full storySteven Tyler Reveals Some Behind-The-Scenes Tidbits at American Idol
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Steven "Lips" Tyler flew down to Cabo to stay for a few days at The Puffy Taco Resort & Casino, which is co-owned by him and American Idol's Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest. He was interviewed by Paco Del Toro, a reporter for...
Read full storyLeAnn Rimes: A Woman Tormented By The Past
BURBANK - LeAnn Rimes and her husband Eddie "The Weasel" Cibrian were in Burbank visiting Cibrian's old high school badminton coach. Eddie, 39, said that he learned a lot about life, attitudes, finances, and cheating from good old Coach Colton "Th...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Devastated At Rob Pattinson's Remarks
HOLLYWOOD - Christmas time was not a very happy time for the star of The Twilight Saga series, Kristen Stewart. Reports are that Stewart and her on-again, off-again boyfriend Rob Pattinson argued and fought back and forth like the LaLaLand version...
Read full storyPlan to Introduce Head Lice in Ohio Schools Has Many Scratching Their Heads
The Ohio State Board of Education is set to vote on a new policy aimed at curbing violence in Ohio schools by introducing head lice to K-12 campuses statewide. The vote comes on the heels of a similar decision by the Montpelier Board of Education,...
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