'Moody bastards' downgrade UK credit rating
New York - The agency slashed Brits' triple-A rating down one notch after rival credit analysts Standard & Poor Bastards issued a trick or treat dare. From midnight tonight Moody's Investors Service's new classification comes in as AA1 slicing...
Read full storyGronk Won't Dance with the Stars at the Oscars
Just when you thought Gronk had turned over a new leaf, he has reverted to form-until someone put undue pressure on his career. Like a Bas Relief on a Greek vase, a thing of beauty is a joy forever. And, Gronk was heading for the world of beau...
Read full storyEarth needs giant condom says UN Office for Outer Space Affairs, Flings, Bits-on-the-Side and One-Night Stands
New York - In a week dominated be Brits' meatier fears in the whorseflesh contamination scam and 'a steroid' attack on Southern Russia the UN's dedicated Outer Space Affairs agency says it's time to get tough on unprotected alien sex. "We need to...
Read full storyQueen Is Miser With Electric Heater
Cash strapped Buckingham Palace is reduced to only having one bar on of the electric heater in the state rooms, revealed a disgruntled insider. "The Queen is a miser and is too mean to keep the heating on" revealed one of her courtiers. "We are red...
Read full story"I'm The Love Child's Daddy" Admits Senator Pete Dominici Who Impeached Bill Clinton
Capitol Hill has been hit by a scandalous revelation which has shocked hardened Washington society. Strait-laced, "holier than thou" Republican retired Senator Pete Dominici was thought to be a staunch advocate of 'family values'. He has admitted...
Read full storyPope's Resignation Linked To Gay Vatican Network
Pope Benedick's decision to resign was made on the 17th December 2012 when he received a report that a gay network of priests in the Vatican was being blackmailed. The pope received news of a gay network within the Vatican itself and realised that...
Read full storyObama on vacation - again
President Obama, taking a break from destroying the economic infrastructure of the United States, played a round of golf last weekend in Florida with Tiger Woods. It's not clear how many holes he played, but some observers (Jay Carney) stated that it...
Read full storyLance Armstrong Preparing for Prison By Riding Bicycle With No Seat
While it's questionable whether or not Lance Armstrong will serve jail time for alleged fraud, friends say the former cyclist is preparing for that possibility by training on a bicycle with just a seat post, and no seat. "Lance has always been t...
Read full storyApple Says It's Time for a 'Smart Wristwatch'
Cupertino, California -- Top secret patent papers, leaked during a sequestered privacy spill, have revealed that Apple has chosen to design a 'smart watch' as the innovation that will save the company. Shaped in the form of chrome apple, the dev...
Read full story"Whoops Sally Bercow Did It Again" With McAlpine Tweet
Angry Tory Peer Lord McAlpine is said to be irate over Sally Bercow's tweet to her 56,000 followers implying that he was a paedophile. The feisty blond bombshell deleted her 'libellous' tweet on the advice of her lawyers. Jonathon Creek actor, Jo...
Read full storyObama Ran To Embrace Jimmy Carter's Grandson For Leaking 47% Tape
Piers Morgan interviewed Jimmy Carter and asked if he had a good rapport with Barack Obama. Ex-President, Jimmy Carter, revealed how Obama ran across the room to embrace his grandson out of gratitude for him finding the 47% which scuppered Mitt Ro...
Read full storyRed wine is good for your ears
Rubbing red wine on both ears may enrich your hearing and enjoyment of music. When people listened to some of their favourite sound-tracks after splashing red wine on their ears, they sounded much better. Scientists at the Shiraz Hearing Resear...
Read full storyRacist Theme Park Characters Force Review Of Policy
After a second African-American family accused a character at a well know theme park of ignoring their child because of the color of their skin the theme park have announced a review of their policies regarding entrance to their parks. The White...
Read full storyAlternative Careers for Superfluous Celebrities
Here's an oxymoron for you: Useful Celebrity. There are gradations of uselessness in the celebrity world of course. It is, as you know, a scientifically proven fact that most celebs are Useless. Some are Totally Useless. There is an unfortunate group who come under the heading Even More Useless Than An Inflatable Dartboard. Let's turn to this last group. I've given a small amount of my...
Read full storyPsycho, Baseball, and Anthony Perkins
If Norman Bates had something to prove, he did it cleanly in the shower. If Red Sox reliever Daniel Bard has anything to prove, he needs to clean up the mess after coming out of the bullpen. Bardo, as his catcher calls him, made a start on reha...
Read full storyNew England Patriot To Pass Go on Way to Jail
Alonzo Dennard has been convicted and will not collect $200 even if his piece was the recently retired Monopoly iron. Unlike the New England Patriots, the Boston Red Sox cannot get arrested. Patriot players routinely seem to end up in the judicial...
Read full storyNorway's National Firewood Night 2013, is a great successful TV event!
Oslo, Norway: Norwegian State Broadcaster NRK, has finally broadcast the ultimate programme, that Wood burners all round the world have been anxiously waiting years for. Some ask, why they took so long making the programme, it was long over due.
Read full storyTrials and Tribulations of Transitioning - toilets
Toilets in the UK come in three varieties. Four if you count baby changing facilities with a lavatory in them. There are disabled toilets, men's toilets and women's toilets. Occasionally, the latter two are combined, but it is rare. Although the pictogram for the ladies toilet is the same as the one for the male toilet, but with the inclusion of a skirt, this does not always mean that a man in a s...
Read full storyMaryland Wants To Legalize Marijuana
ANNAPOLIS, Maryland - In a move that caught many residents of Maryland by surprise, state delegate Curtis "The Wow Dude" Anderson has introduced a bill into the Maryland legislature that would make marijuana legal for anyone over the age of 21. An...
Read full storyEva Longoria Says She Has Political Urges
SAN ANTONIO - The former star of Desperate Housewives recently commented that she is seriously thinking about running for political office. The attractive, svelte actress, who was once married to San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker, told Political...
Read full storyThe New England Patriots May Pass On Wes Welker
FOXBOROUGH, Massachusetts - New England Patriots slot receiver Wes Welker is a free agent and Pats fans are divided on whether the team owners should let him go or try and resign him. Should Welker stay he will be paid $11.4 million for the 2013 s...
Read full storyRussian Meteorite Brings Killer Virus From Outer Space
Conventional science believes viruses can 'jump' from one species of animal to another. Conspiracy theorist scientists believe that the greatest threat to humanity lies with killer viruses from outer space. One leading scientist who believes th...
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