Gronk Won't Dance with the Stars at the Oscars

Written by Ossurworld

Friday, 22 February 2013

Just when you thought Gronk had turned over a new leaf, he has reverted to form-until someone put undue pressure on his career.

Like a Bas Relief on a Greek vase, a thing of beauty is a joy forever. And, Gronk was heading for the world of beautiful people and endless parties-until a mysterious force derailed him.

You guessed it: the red carpet will be replete this Oscar season without Rob Gronkowski putting the hip check on Joan Rivers to grab those big time interviews.

NFL Network had designated Gronk as their Oscar night go-to receiver/interviewer of starlets. At the last minute, Gronk chose to go the road less traveled.

A Hollywood gig might win him a chance to perform on Dancing with the Stars, one of his dreams. But, he may have to resort to tackling a few movie producers not as they walk down the red carpet to pick up their winning Oscar, but on the gridiron.

A few skeptics have suggested that Gronk should take the same route as Kris Humphries, NBA's favorite star of Divorce Court. Humphries infamously married Kim Kardashian for a couple of months and claimed he had been duped and owed an annulment.

Whether Kardashian or any of her sisters would be interested in a football player like Gronk is under some doubt; they seem to prefer NBA heights to NFL heights. Gronk's Wonderlic may be too low.

Since Gronk's life is already a reality show on the order of Twilight Zone, it seems clear that he has the talents to star in an alternate universe cable show.

Kim Kardashian and Gronk are in parallel universes, sort of like the recent asteroid that missed Earth and the meteor that chose to hit Russia. If they ever collided, there'd be chaos and communication satellites would be knocked out of service.

Actually, Gronk would have better luck with Kris Humphries as his costar. We haven't decided which one is Tonto.

Don't look for Gronk dancing with the stars on the red carpet this year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more