Trials and Tribulations of Transitioning - toilets

Written by IainB

Friday, 22 February 2013


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Trials and Tribulations of Transitioning - toilets
This is not me: This is a picturegram of a person with no neck, feet, hands and wearing trousers.

Toilets in the UK come in three varieties. Four if you count baby changing facilities with a lavatory in them. There are disabled toilets, men's toilets and women's toilets. Occasionally, the latter two are combined, but it is rare. Although the pictogram for the ladies toilet is the same as the one for the male toilet, but with the inclusion of a skirt, this does not always mean that a man in a skirt is going to be able to waltz into this toilet. Nor can they samba, rumba or limbo in.

I'm warning everybody now. When I'm out, I use the ladies. What I'm wearing matches the pictogram, so that's the door I use. I'd rather not, to be honest, because there's never a queue in the men's toilets. But I don't really have a choice.

Let me point out, nobody chooses to transition. If somebody had asked if I wanted to give up everything in my rather nice life just so I could sprain my wrist putting on a bra, I'd have looked at them as if they were the ones classified by the World Health Organisation as nutty. I was born this way. Indeed, according to the current theory, I was this way before I was even born because my mother forgot to apply the second wash of testosterone in the third trimester, the wash that converts my brain into a boy brain.


Generally I do not have any problems. I don't make a song and dance (see the list of dances above) about going into the toilet. I just go. This is what women do. Men will throw their chair back, leap theatrically to their feet and announce in a loud voice that they are 'off to drain the lizard, the wonderful lizard of Oz' (assuming they're called Oz), or shout 'I really need a piss!'. Girls get up and go. Sometimes in pairs, sometimes on their own. This is what I do also.

Girl's toilets are generally nicer than boy's toilets. They have a mirror that usually reflects images back, soap dispensers that work and the floor doesn't feel sticky.

Now, most people are perfectly okay with me visiting the toilets applicable to my preferred gender. Some, however, are not.

I have a message for this minority group.

There has never been a case of a transgendered person attacking a woman in a toilet. However, there have been cases of the transgendered being attacked in male toilets. If the argument of safety is to be used then please realise that my safety is also important.

Additionally, I don't really care what you think. Sorry.

So next time you hear somebody urinating in the cubical next to yours and it sounds odd, don't get upset, it's probably one of my kind. We'll be checking our hair and make-up after we've washed our hands, and getting on with our life exactly like you do. Yes, you can comment on our shoes. We don't mind.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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