Bottled Water Arrives In Alaska- Like Bringing The Mountains To Mohammed
Bottled water- who could ever, outside of professional con men such as P.T. Barnum and Soapy Smith, would ever have thought that it would be possible to put water in a bottle and actually get someone to buy it, except, perhaps nomads crossing the Sahara (they, however, did not have bottles until recently and even those are bleached out ones that have floated across the Mediteranian from Spain. The...
Read full storyFootball Gossip - League One Special 8th September 2012
Swindon Town 0 Leyton Orient 1 The O's end the 23 home match unbeaten run of Swindon. I imagine Paulo Di Canio has promised to sack all of the players and make them train in their undies on one of the towns many roundabouts unless they apologize and write 100 lines 'I MUST DO BETTER' Crewe Alexandra 0 Tranmere Rovers 0 The first goalless draw at Gresty Road in over a year saw Tranmere drop t...
Read full storyRihanna Reveals The Real Reason She Chopped Off Her Hair
SANTA BARBARA, California - Rihanna had just finished performing before a less than sell-out crowd in the recently opened Earthquake 3.9 Arena in Santa Barbara. She was sitting backstage in her dressing room when she agreed to an interview with Af...
Read full storyPamela Anderson Explains Typecasting
MARINA DEL REY - Pamela Anderson was speaking before the annual convention of Motion Picture Stunt Men & Women when she was asked an interesting question. A stunt woman, identified as Maravilla "Bruises" Muggintocker, 29, asked her about the f...
Read full storyCaptain Kirk 'smoked weed with Kim Gul Dukat Cardassian' in banned Star Trek episode
Los Angeles - "It was an episode about the Federation's launch of the 'Meet The Cardassians' holodeck program," the head of Star Trek archives said today. "The studio canned it when a props tragedy saw real weed being smoked by Kirk and the floozi...
Read full storyTop 10 Things You Will Find on Every Top Ten List
1. Numbers. Ten of them, actually. Maybe Roman, most likely Arabic. 2. Letters. Possibly formulated into words. Whether or not those words are cogent or in the right order is completely up in the air. 3. Links to other Top 10 Lists.Why are you getting a link to the "Top Ten Ways to Sodomize a Goat"? Because you're a twisted fuck. That's why. 4. Arbitrary metrics. After several minutes of...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Terrified
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Kim Kardashian, who has been very lucky to achieve the success that she has, recently confided to a very close friend that she is worried that her popularity is dropping. According to Inger "Smooches" Finnfelli, Kim came close to...
Read full storyCross dressers make the best husbands
A poll from a leading Women's magazine has revealed that cross dressers make the best husbands. "Even the gay ones," said Kay Bored, editor of women's magazine I'm a Woman. "Obviously in a civil partnership." The study was quite revealing acco...
Read full storyBad News, My Dear British Chums, The First James Bond On Film Was An American! (This Is True!!!!)
THE BIRTH OF BOND, JIMMIE BOND Who was the first James Bond on film? Sean Connery? Yes, that is true if you go strictly by movie films. Could you believe that there was a television version of Ian Flemings Casino Royale that predated Connery's first outing as Bond by eight years? And can you believe that James in this Hollywood version was an AMERICAN (!!!) and went by the nickname 'Ji...
Read full storyChristina Aguilera Loves Being Full-Figured
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Christina Aguilera flew down to Cabo San Lucas for some fun in the sun. Christina who appears on the hit reality music show The Voice was recently interviewed by Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo. The singer...
Read full storyKafka Comes to Boston Sports
If the Patriots' cuts of the roster are not Kafkaesque enough, literary fans, Bill Belichick has gone one better. It may be The Trial for fans, but only days after releasing Brian Hoyer as the backup QB for the team-and throwing young Ryan Mal...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Bermuda Shorts and a Blonde Wig
Dear Constituents I have had a very hectic few days and must apologise for the lack of Newsletters. This is partly because my visit to Greece (the Faliraki Economic Conference) took several days longer than expected, as you may have discovered by reading last week's copy of the Krupton News and other rags. I just wish I had been given the opportunity to explain things in more detail before they...
Read full storyProdigal Peacock Brought Back to School in Queens, NY
What's lost is found. Two and a half weeks ago we brought you a spoof story about the peacock on the loose in Queens, NY. Now there's further info. See an article, "Runaway Peacock Finally Captured and Returned to Queens School," on NYPost.com. Yep, the peacock is baaaaaaaaaaack and seems to be ready to create more havoc. The NYPost.com article contains these ominous words: "He has...
Read full storyPaul Ryan Speaks Out About Gay Marriage
WEST HOLLYWOOD - GOP vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan aka Eddie Munster, spoke before a crowd gathered in the parking lot of a King's Kastle Supermarket. Ryan told the crowd estimated at between 19 and 22 adults that he wants everyone to know...
Read full storyArizona's Amazing Secret
PHOENIX - Arizona Governor Jan Brewer recently was asked by a reporter for Political Salad Bar Magazine about a very personal matter. Sinclair Petaluma learned from Internet surfing that Governor Brewer, with the assistance of Maricopa County Sher...
Read full storyPolitical Facebook - Joe Biden, Eva Longoria, and Bill Clinton
POLITICAL FACEBOOK Joe Biden: Hello Eva. 7:01 a.m. Eva Longoria: Hi Joe. How are you? 7:07 a.m. Joe Biden: You sound sleepy. Were you asleep? 7:11 a.m. Eva Longoria: Ah yeah. A little bit. 7:16 a.m. Joe Biden: I'm sorry sweety. Text me when you wake up. 7:21 a.m. Eva Longoria: Well heck, I'm wide awake now. What did you want Joe? 7:24 a.m. Joe Biden: I just wanted to tel...
Read full storyDefrocked Jesuit Francois DuBois Of West 'By God!' Virginia To Open Premium Rate Telephone Confessional
Disgraced Jesuit, and go-getting entrepreneur, Francois DuBois, of West 'By GOD!' Virginia, today announced that he will soon be opening a premium rate telephone confessional service, for people who lead such busy lives that they don't have the time...
Read full story