Football Gossip & comments 5th September 2012
Arsenal chairman Peter Hill-Wood admits the Gunners cannot compete in the transfer market with Chelsea and Manchester City. (Evening Standard) They are however very convenient for kebab shops and Screen On The Green cinema in Upper Street. Newcastle will try again to sign winger Tom Ince, 20, from Blackpool in January after having a £4m bid rejected. (Mirror) Rumours that the son of former...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 4th September 2012 - MICHAEL OWEN SPECIAL
Michael Owen has joined Stoke City on a one year contract. This ends speculation he would rejoin old club on Merseyside, Joke City. Owen was persuaded to join after a 30 minute conversation with life-long Stoke City fan and comedian Nick Hancock. Stoke fans said it was the best ever episode of 'Hancock's Half Hour' The deal was finally completed three days after the Transfer Window closed...
Read full storyThe whole of London to be converted to runways
A massive swathe of London is to be converted into one huge airport with seven hundred runways after an argument between Boris Johnson and Patrick McLoughlin escalated. Please note, that Patrick has no relation to Colleen Rooney nee McLoughlin. This...
Read full storyThe Para Lytic Games - Day 3 Report
Drinks all round as Brits hit Gold (Labels) - Four days into the games, and as predicted, the big two teams of Russia and Great Britain are dominating the medal table with five golds each. The shock of day two was the defeat of defending champion...
Read full storyRonaldo retires because he's sad and pathetic!
Madrid, Spain (it's Real!): Cristiano Ronaldo, soccer super-star, pompous, self righteous, multi-millionaire prima-donna is to retire from soccer because he's sad! The reasons behind his sadness have nothing to do with his vast wealth or lack of s...
Read full storyYou to continue reading this article
Despite having what some have called an unappealing headline, you have just opened this article and started reading it. "I'm really not sure why I'm reading this article," you said. "So far it doesn't really seem to be about anything. I'm beginning to wonder why it was even written." Though the thought has crossed your mind to stop reading the article, you said that a combination o...
Read full storyMore buyers on hunt for first comb
This summer has seen an increase in potential buyers searching the market for a comb of their own. The increase has been driven by a wave of university graduates trying to improve their hair care and hair styles - often with their parents' help, a re...
Read full storyCabinet reshuffle confirmed as Mr Cameron is taken away to help police with enquiries
Prime Minister David Cameron has today confirmed his cabinet reshuffle. At a press conference early this morning, attend mainly by members of the press, Mr Cameron confirmed that his old cabinet had been effectively "thrown out the window of numbe...
Read full storySpokesmen go on strike
Spokesmen throughout the UK have voted to go on strike indefinitely until their demands for more recognition are met. It's thought that the action was brought about when a spokesman for Prestatyn County Council was mistaken for a bystander in a re...
Read full storyFossilised Jesus spaceship remains found on Mars
Space - "Now we know why the apostle Thomas is pointing skywards in Leonardo Da Vinci's painting of The Last Supper," a NASA spokesman said today as news broke of the Martian find. "Art historians have misinterpreted the gesture as St Thomas 'givi...
Read full storyBobby Valentine Serves Up Food for Thought
Bobby Valentine had a late breakfast with owner John Henry on a morning in Seattle when the Red Sox have never played worse. It's enough to curb one's appetite. Valentine claimed he felt better after his morning meal with the owner. Whether Bobby...
Read full storyJack The Ripper Unmasked
The identity of Britain's most notorious serial killer, Jack The Ripper, has finally been revealed during a deathbed confession. Gupta Singh, an Indian national who studied medicine at a London teaching hospital in the early sixties, died followin...
Read full storyPaul Ryan Says He Can See Russia From His Home In Wisconsin
INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana - GOP vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan was campaigning in Indianapolis, the town that was named after the Cleveland Indians. He told a crowd that had gathered in the parking lot of a Fishy Smell Seafood Grill that he and...
Read full storyHeidi Klum Says Seal Needs To Stop Whining
NEW ORLEANS - Heidi Klum traveled down to the Big Easy to help with the distribution of the contents of an 18-wheeler which was loaded with food, bottled water, toys, towels, and cosmetics. Heidi had personally helped to load the items which she h...
Read full storyMystery Guest On Final Night Of Democratic Convention
The mystery guest for the final night of the Democratic convention in Charlottesville, North Carolina, was actor Danny De Vito. Mr. De Vito walked on stage carrying a six-foot tall floor lamp, stood it next to the podium and switched it on. One of th...
Read full storyObama Uses Sports Metaphor and Fouls Out at Half Time
The sports world was rocked yesterday when President Obama compared himself to the NBA champions and compared Governor Romney to a highly paid rookie. When President Obama compared himself to the Miami Heat, he meant only that they are his biggest...
Read full storyMan Finds Lost Picasso Hidden in McDonald's Scratch Off
An Ithaca, New York man, Johnny Grit had been going through his deceased father's belongings to see if he could find any pictures of his dad, who was rumored to be a transvestite lumberjack, when he came across a box full of unscratched McDonald's sc...
Read full storyFormer President Clinton Gives DNC Nomination Speech
Charlotte NC: Former President Bill Clinton gave the nomination speech at the 2012 Democratic National Convention (DNC) for President Obama to head the ticket for a second term bid. The evening was full of many surprises. The Clinton wing (moderat...
Read full storyDemi Lovato's Confession To Simon Cowell
HOLLYWOOD - The youngest X-Factor judge Demi Lovato, who just recently turned 20, is really going to be a boost to the sagging X-Factor ratings. Lovato, who had a big hit with her song "Skyscraper," recently confided to Simon Cowell that she is li...
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