Romney says Big Bird "tastes like chicken"
In the first of three presidential debates, Romney explicitly said that he supports cutting funding for PBS and Sesame Street. Fans of public television were particularly angered that he singled out Big Bird. "I'm a huge fan of Big Bird," said Romney...
Read full storyApocalyptic Ending To Obama: Bobble-Headed Black Champion Defeated
BILLINGSGATE POST - Last night, outlined against a somber blue-grey October sky in Denver, Colorado, Mitt Romney brought back images of Pestilence as he exterminated the rodent-like Barack Obama during the fateful debate witnessed by 50 million part...
Read full storyKevin Garnett wants to play Point Guard
Kevin Garnett, aka KG, aka Skinny, aka that Lieutenant from the Wire, has made it clear to Celtics management that he is of the firm opinion that his talents would be best suited to that of Point Guard. Speaking to NBA.com, Garnett said, "Sometime...
Read full storyObama likes Romney
Shortly after the presidential debate on Thursday, William H. Thorndike, adviser to the president, admits he was shocked when he overheard President Obama state, "Hey, I like what the guy said, he made sense to me, Romney has got my vote, I only hope...
Read full storyMars Gallery Gets Off Ground
NASA - In a surprise announcement today NASA revealed a secret mission assigned to Curiosity Rover - a mission of goodwill and cultural sharing intended for the solar system, the galaxy and the universe that will last a thousand years. A spokesman fo...
Read full storyMitt Romney's True Colors
Last night I settled in front of my massive big screen with a large coke and some popcorn. My pet chameleon, Bon Jovi, sat on my shoulder. I was so excited about the Presidential debate I could barely wait until 8:00 pm. Soon it became clear tha...
Read full storyMary Popitin: Act one.
Mary Popitin stood watching the one man band. She was impressed with his rendition of "Voodoo Child" but thought the rhythm section lacked a disciplined knee. Having nothing more to do but annoy the people in the park with her singing, she decided to join the man and dance to the music. Bert is hacking away at the mouth organ when a woman dressed in multi-coloured rags starts to gyrate beside h...
Read full storyForrest for Ministry of Transport
The Ministry of Transport have been in touch with French authorities in order to obtain the release of Maths teacher and alleged child abductor, Jeremy Forrest. 'There's no one here who can do mathematics' explained Top civil servant Josiah Penpus...
Read full storyGee, Paul McCartney never heard that question before
LONDON, U.K.--English rock legend Paul McCartney was apparently surprised yesterday, when he was given a question which he totally hasn't heard before. The singer-songwriter claimed that not once in his 50 years of public life has he been forced to a...
Read full storyMystery Mountain Appears
BONNERS FERRY, Idaho - Cartographers the world over will be burning the midnight oil as they chart a newly discovered mountain. Yesterday, in a truly astounding development, Dr. Endevor T. Rockman, geologist and professor, University of Idaho, said t...
Read full storyAfghan headbangers in Kabul prove that the Taliban are full of "poppies"!
A local headbangers concert in Kabul, involving local heay-metal bands has proved to the world that they can "head-bang it" as good as anybody, albeit the Taliban did not participate because of their turbans. The organisor of the event, Australian...
Read full storyLittle Divot Council Offices Vanish
Police in the once sleepy village of Little Divot are investigating an outrageously bold piece of thieving. At 9am this morning it was discovered that the local council offices, which also houses the mayors chambers, had disappeared. Mayor of L...
Read full storyWHO Encorages Sex With Fruit Through New 10 Point Memorandum
ANKARA: At a conference in Ankara, Turkey yesterday, the World Health Organisation validated it's 10 point memorandum encouraging sexual relations with a fruit. The general consensus is to eradicate lonliness with alternate, safe and satisfying f...
Read full storyDying With Dignity
Eion Logon, 28, from Little Hambaconton travelled to Switzerland today to Switzerland to visit the Dignitas clinic. He had wanted to put a end to his life for some time but claims he just never found the time to do it. Mr Logon said: "I get terrib...
Read full storyQueen's horror as 'virtually extinct' flesh-eating spiders introduced into Sandringham bogs
Norfolk - A colony of the endangered species is causing havoc at the royal residence after making new nesting arrangements in the Queen's ensuite composting lav. The organic throne room is said to be completely infested after a Phobics Anonymous-s...
Read full storyThe Presidential Debate: The President and Romney Could Have Phoned It In
DENVER - Well the first presidential debate of 2012 is now in the history books and it proved to be as exciting as listening to Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter talk about beauty tips. Sinclair Petaluma with Political Salad Bar Magazine stated that both...
Read full story'Evil' Bert goes after Romney
Bert from Sesame Street has gone to ground after vowing to kill Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Bert was watching the first presidential debate on The Count's TV with several other residents of the street but flew into a rage when Romn...
Read full storyDon't Ask/Do Tell: Chick-full-A You Know What Comes Home To Roost Again, And This Time It's Not Personal, Just Business As Unusual
Retrograde-fil-A-Hole, Ga. - More or less, mild and crazy cause why guy Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy publicly aired his anything but easily digested (to anyone with half a brain, and/or, perhaps, anything close to an overcooked 1/4 pounder, with cheese, and, of course, fries with that, otherwise lodged in their gullet, and/or, upon request, collectively sitting in someplace or thereabouts for m...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - A man to man chat on sensitive matters
Dear constituents Everything has returned to hectic normality since the few days I spent in drag in Grey Gables Old Peoples' Home. I have to admit that I miss my knickers, though. Despite occasional disasters I found these over-sized garments far more comfortable than my Y-fronts so I'm going to renew the campaign once started by the excellent Mr Paxman to improve the design of men's underwe...
Read full storyCher and Madonna's Amazing Concert Tour
LOS ANGELES - Plans have just been finalized for the much anticipated concert tour featuring famous one name singing icons Cher, 66, and Madonna, 53. Relic Productions in association with Simon Cowell's Black T-Shirt Production Company have just a...
Read full storyMy life as a man #17
Free moustache rides to Cow Girls who will help me train This morning, I received an email from a woman friend on my SitonmyFacebook page who informed me that a former girlfriend was trashing me over my short-comings as a cunnilinguist. Well, that's just wrong, dammit! I consider myself to be artiste at the craft, and I'll tell you why (you knew I would, dincha). Due to the fact that I...
Read full storyMaria Shriver Writes Book About Arnold Schwarzenegger
BRENTWOOD, California - Maria Shriver is still extremely upset at the fact that her soon-to-be-ex-husband Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child out of wedlock with their long time housekeeper. Maria, whose mother Eunice is a Massachusetts Kennedy...
Read full storyLiam Hemsworth Finally Realizing That Miley Cyrus "Can't Be Tamed"
BEVERLY HILLS - Liam Hemsworth paid a visit to his personal masseuse, Urbanette "Bambi" Dillahunt, 21, due to the stupendous amount of stress that he has been going through lately. Hemsworth, 22, confided to Miss Dillahunt, (38-24-36) that he cann...
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