New FA Centre of Excellence replaces Centre of Mediocrity

Funny story written by Talking Tic-Tacs

Wednesday, 10 October 2012


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A lucky competition winner testing out the new carpet like pitches

The home of English football in the shape of the £100 million centre of excellence has been unveiled, replacing the previous centre of mediocrity model.

St Georges Park will provide a base and state of the art facilities like balls, bibs and cones, for England teams from junior to senior level.

The previous mediocrity model saw English football effectively crashing at other people's houses when using clubs' training grounds. Or, on occasion when it wasn't playing host to American football or motocross or some shit - Wembley. The home of English football.

FA chief David Bernstein brushed aside confusion over English football's primary residence, "St Georges Park is the home of English football, but so is Wembley. Its just that Wembley is like a showhome, which we basically let anyone into. Wembley is 10 Downing Street but St Georges is 11." He then evaded journalists' contentions, continuing his political analogy, that English football is like a politician with two homes subsidised by the public.

Indeed the new bricks and mortar will supposedly make England win a major tournament in the next 10 to 20 years. With 11 new pitches at the complex also ensuring English players will have pristine lawn to not pass the ball well on.

The Scottish Football Association are also understood to be upgrading their centre of below average. While the Welsh FA are planning on improving their centre of not very good.

Northern Ireland are planning on building a centre.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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