Rondo Explodes for a Slam Dunk After Game
Rajon Rondo may be looking for some anger management classes in the off-season. From across a crowded hallway, Rondo spotted a film cameraman with his red light on. Someone pushed the button and the ICBM came out of the silo and directly at the ta...
Read full storyBirmingham man gets a bum deal in 'accident' claim
Dennis Lakass was disappointed to receive only £5.99 in compensation after his recent accident. This claim for compensation started when he got a text saying "you may be entitled to £1500 for the accident you had." Mr. Lakass sent details of...
Read full storyEnvironment Agency backs farting
Farting, the controversial technique for obtaining the new energy source, methane gas, should be allowed nationwide, according to a recent directive from the Energy Commission. "The universally variegated act of farting, which has been blamed for...
Read full storyCrossdressers make the safest drivers
A new study commissioned by the big three insurance companies has made some startling discoveries, and reinforced social stereotypes when it comes to driving. "We all know that the worst category of driver is boys aged between seventeen and forty-...
Read full storyRiver Raptor Terrorises London
The London Games were thrown into chaos yesterday as it was discovered a water based beast is terrorising the River Thames. Back and to the Left news investigates. After three hours of looking at the river from our vantage point (the side) we were...
Read full storyHitlers Two Balls
The good thing about history is that it's always there, you can rely on it. Like the 98 year old grandfather who refuses to die because he wants to vote BNP one more time. History is there to stop us repeating past mistakes, and to guide us into a be...
Read full storyMy half an hour as a sub-editor
Well it started out like any other day at the office. I turned up, made myself a cup of tea, then got the computer running ready to write another 2000 words for my daily output. Only, today, something was different. As I logged into my writers desk, it looks like I have been given the key to the approvals centre. Have I accidentally put in the wrong password? Is the Y2K bug finally kicking in,...
Read full storyNorth Carolina approves referendum to sanctify marriage between first cousins!
North Carolinians approved a measure yesterday sanctifying marriage between first cousins. It is the first of its kind in the US but eleven other southern states are expected to follow suit. Two little-noticed provisions decriminalize sex with barnya...
Read full storyPrince Philip's Lindsay Lohan-style ankle bracelet slips during Queen's Speech
London - There were red faces at the Palace of Westmonster today as an Anti-Social Behavior Order electronic tag worn by the Duke of Edinburgh was seen by millions on live TV. Apparently he got it for a racist rant at some Palace underling paid ne...
Read full storyParker Brothers Update Their Famous 'Monopoly' Game To Reflect The Current Economic Situation
Due to recent world economic changes, the Parker Brothers game company has announced that it is going to update its world famous game 'Monopoly' to better reflect the true financial times we live in. The following changes will be made in the card...
Read full storyRoss Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 17 - Final Day
Ronnie O'Sullivan is the 2012 World Snooker Champion after potting his way to a 18-11 win over Ali Carter. Resuming 10-7 ahead overnight, Rocket Ronnie never looked in danger of surrendering the lead and pocketed a 141 break - the highest in the history of the Final. Ronnie was also the oldest winner, at 36, since Ray Reardon in 1978. Carter did manage three frames in a row during the afternoon...
Read full storyTom Brady Out Locks Justin Bieber
All the world is abuzz with Tom Brady's new 'do. No, it is not a buzz cut, nor a shag, though he has been there and done that. A few years ago he tried to Bart Simpson look, which apparently appealed to him and his hausfrau, a well-known dilett...
Read full storyMaksim Chmerkovskiy, Derek Hough, and Mark Ballas Say Either Dancing With The Stars Fires Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman Or They'll Quit
HOLLYWOOD - Last year professional dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy exploded 'on-the-air' at English judge Len Goodman during one of the Dancing With The Stars live shows. Chmerkovskiy, who is known as "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" became extremely upse...
Read full storyX Rated Texts Shock for Cameron
Texts between David Cameron and Rebekah Brooks establish their love for each other. With many X's their love life blossomed with texts at a rate of 12 a day. It is not thought that the Xs represented sexual congress. But they did show more than a...
Read full storyKebab pathogens found in 9 out of 10 prostate cancer swabs, innit
London - Telltale signs of poor oral hygiene are emerging in the latest report into treatable cancers. A Royal College of Swabbologists survey has discovered traces of bacteria, viruses and parasites commonly found in the ubiquitous doner and shis...
Read full storyBrilliant mathematician Gareth Williams 'probably Stephen Hawking's son'
Cambridge - Hawking is known to have shagged a number of trollops keen to fertilise their eggs by such a humungous genius [sic] - back in the daze when he could still get it up. The former Cambridge University Lucasian Professor of Mathematics has...
Read full storyWilliam was bamboozled into becoming Justin Bieber's step-father
London - Constitutional experts said today 'seedy' Palace apparatchiks waived aside 'bloody obvious' objections to the Middleton marriage with its ball-and-chain appendage of a bastard brat. The added complication of bigamy, due to Kate being lega...
Read full storyDinosaur farts warmed planet, but killed mating attempts: study
HARFOLD, Vt. - In a study released this week by Harfold State College, scientists revealed that dinosaurs were, by far, the worst farters in our planet's history. Although these farts went a long way in warming the planet, increasing the average t...
Read full storyJose Canseco Takes On the Wuss-tah Tornados
Jose Canseco has returned to Boston after a prolonged absence. He used to play for the Red Sox-and willingly came to the 100th Fenway shindig a few weeks ago to flex his biceps to the adoring crowds. The Welch's grapefruit juice toast at the Pa...
Read full storyBe Nice To Fatso, Docs Told
Health professionals are advised to be more circumspect when dealing with patients they may perceive to be overweight. New guidance from the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) tells doctors and nurses to avoid language wh...
Read full storyLiverpool Stuff Chelsea - But What's With The Kids?
Households throughout the UK were filled with the sounds of people vomiting last night as Liverpool gained some respect at the end of a difficult season by stuffing their FA Cup nemesis. The scousers roused themselves from Saturday's final defeat...
Read full storyJournalists Beaten Up? Does Them Good, Says Respected Reporter
A world-famous newspaper journalist wants to know what all the fuss is about when journalists are beaten up by autocratic regimes. His controversial views follow criticism of corporate authorities in Azerbaijan as it gears up to host the Eurovisio...
Read full storyZac Efron and Michelle Pfeiffer To Star In The Erotic Vampire Epic "May-December Hickies"
HOLLYWOOD - Lions Door Films in association with Cloud 13 Pictures has just announced a new vampire movie which will star Zac Efron and Michelle Pfeiffer. The movie May-December Hickies is to be directed by noted film director Charleen Belle-Pinnz...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Eliminates Two Celebrity Dancers Roshon Fegan and Melissa Gilbert
HOLLYWOOD - Four couples have made it into The Dancing With The Stars semi-finals. This week's episode saw the double elimination of 20-year-old Disney star Roshon Fegan and his partner the cute little pixie Chelsie Hightower, as well as Melissa G...
Read full storyHeidi Montag To Star As Patricia Krentcil In The Horror Movie "The Attack of The Tanorexic Woman"
HOLLYWOOD - Cinema Castle Pictures will soon begin production on the Sheboygan Saddlewood film based on the New Jersey "Tanning Woman" Patricia Krentcil. Saddlewood noted that Heidi Montag has been signed to portray Krentcil who is considered to b...
Read full storyZombie Leadership Worried!
The numbers of the zombie population have drastically dropped in recent decades, because their primary food source, namely that of brains, has been found sadly wanting in our younger generations. Somewhere between the nineteen-eighties and the year t...
Read full storyGermany, Greece is up for occupation
BERLIN - According to secret, well-placed sources, tanks are being taken out of secret hiding places and 'Greeced up'; battle charts with maps of Greece, Spain, England and Iceland are being distributed to bankers as they prepare to 'occupy' those co...
Read full storyFlorida Bear Comes Out of the Wild, Is Eager to Go Back In
In his first interview, one with a Spoof reporter, the bear discussed the recent time he spent mingling with humans. "Nothing to write home about," he said, "if I could write, that is. Frankly, I'll be glad to get back to the wild." The bear ha...
Read full storyBlackburn Rovers Owners "Delighted" With Relegation
After Monday nights home defeat to Wigan Athletic, Blackburn Rovers have slipped through the relegation trap door and into the Championship. The one nil reverse at Ewood Park means they have lost a dozen home games this season and epitomises their...
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