Blackburn Rovers Owners "Delighted" With Relegation

Funny story written by Simon Saunders

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

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Blackburn Rovers latest signing is sure to propel them to abject failure

After Monday nights home defeat to Wigan Athletic, Blackburn Rovers have slipped through the relegation trap door and into the Championship.

The one nil reverse at Ewood Park means they have lost a dozen home games this season and epitomises their disastrous season.

Ironically, despite drawing a blank in front of goal against Wigan, scoring goals has not been a problem for Rovers. However, their defence has been as brittle as an old persons hips.

Despite going down to a late goal from Antolin Alcaraz it wasn't all doom and gloom for Rovers. They may of discovered a star in the making after a chicken, dressed in Rovers colours, gave Wigan keeper Ali Al Habsi the run around when it wandered onto the pitch. After the chicken out performed the other Blackburn players it was subsequently named Rovers' man of the match and offered a five year contract on lucrative terms.

Rovers fans are understandably devastated and continued to protest against the clubs manager, Steve Kean, and the clubs owners, Venkys.

The Venkys don't appear to be too bothered by relegation or the criticism they have faced.

They have released a statement saying that they were delighted with the outcome of the season, claiming that relegation is all part of their strategy to re-establish Rovers back amongst the mediocrity of mid table misery in English football's second

They claim that they were very disappointed to avoid relegation last season. According to the Venkys, Rovers fans have been spoilt as a result of former owner Jack Walker splashing the cash back in the early and mid 90's which led to Rovers becoming Premier League champions in 1995. They reckon that Rovers fans should be content with the team being average.

The statement went on to say that they intend to invest virtually nothing in their attempt to regain mediocrity claiming that they have spent all the money they could find down the back of their sofa and that it is a "bloody big sofa."

The final insult to Rovers fans was the owners assertion that being relegated to League One next season would be great for them as they would most likely bounce back and that would give the fans false hope that they actually care. Then they could settle back into a mid table slot in the Championship.

We understand that Steve Kean will remain in charge until the club is in ruins. The Venkys stating that they are very proud of Keans record and will continue to back him with their back-of-the-sofa financing.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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