al-Qaeda to Stick with Underwear-Based Explosives
Despite recent setbacks, the terrorist group al-Qaeda remains firmly committed to using their undergarments to try and blow things up, a spokesman said today. "We've tried shoes, socks, and of course underwear," said Jabir Al Jabazz in a telepho...
Read full storySlavery to be reinstated in Britain
The Conservative-Liberal Coalition has decided to reinstate slavery into the UK but with stringent strings attached. "Basically, we're not going to have a return to the good old days," said David Cameron, who will be putting Michael Portillo in ch...
Read full storyFrom Bad To Worse - Local Man Encounters The World's Hardest Roast Potato
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today reported that he has had a very bad day - as his football team didn't quite get the results they required, and that his anarchic attempts to subvert a popular satirical website have failed dismally. "They weren'...
Read full storyBoris Johnson sued by insulted Orang-Utans!
Re-elected mayor of London, Boris Johnson, has been sued by Borneo Orang-Utans (well their representatives) because he claimed in a photo shoot that he looked like them. Orang-Utans are one of the most beautiful creatures on the planet and have mo...
Read full storyThe Drunk In Charge of a Theme Tune Sketch
An elderly man is staggering along the street, carrying a moose's head and humming the theme tune to The Forsyte Saga. A police Sergeant appears with a Constable. Sergeant: 'Now then now then my lad. What's all this here then, eh? I'm going to have to ask you to blow into this here balloon.' The man blows the balloon up. It turns out to be one of those long twisty ones. Sergeant: 'See...
Read full storyAl Qaeda Colon Bomb Forces Universal Airport Colonoscopies
Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't President Obama say that he had decimated Al Qaeda? Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't President Obama kill Al Qaeda head Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda Yemen head Anwar al Awlaki? So what's with the news that the CIA just foiled an Al Qaeda bomb plot in Yemen to blow up a US airplane over One World Trade Center with a non metallic bomb inserted inside the colon of...
Read full storyHaye and Chisora fight billed for Acton boozer
Promoter Bunny Warren announced at a press conference this morning that the eagerly awaited punch up between two of Britain's biggest attention seekers would be going ahead on the 14th July. As both fighters don't have a licence to fight in the UK, t...
Read full storyEpsom woman's wheelie-bin goes missing
Surrey police are on the look-out for a 3-year-old wheelie-bin which went missing over the weekend. Ruby Shanstuff of Moorlitter Street was devastated over her bin's disappearance. "It had all my best rubbish in it," she cried, before phoning the...
Read full storyWhere Have You Gone, Gonzo?
Red Sox Nation turns its lonely eyes to A-Gon, but he is gone with the wind. In Adrian Gonzalez's own words, "People have to eat," to excuse the beer and chicken wings of last season. Now it appears that he signed a contract to play because he kn...
Read full storyOMG! Feds warn that Farcebook founder 'is Karen Hinton's secret brat'
Washington - DNA testing of the wannabe billionaire's soft tissue has thrown up the ultimate rogue parent scenario. According to a secret FBI memo published today some distinctive flaws in the maternal genome identify Ecuador corruption-peddling t...
Read full storyAl-Qaeda Underwear Bomber Was CIA Plant From LMFAO
A suspected covert operative of al-Qaeda has been arrested before boarding a flight to London after authorities suspected that he was wearing a concealed underwear bomb; one that required no metal. The suspected operative, tentatively identified...
Read full storyUS Bans Al-Qaeda Underwear Range
The US has moved quickly to ban a new range of underwear designed by al-Qaeda-sponsored Islamic Fundamentalist underwear designers working in Yemen, it has been revealed. I revealed it. Yemen, which, for some reason, doesn't rhyme with 'semen',...
Read full storyWhere Have You Gone, Gonzo?
Red Sox Nation turns its lonely eyes to A-Gon, but he is gone with the wind. In Adrian Gonzalez's own words, "People have to eat," to excuse the beer and chicken wings of last season. Now it appears that he signed a contract to play because he kn...
Read full storyWednesday's State Opening of Parliament will be the Queen's last
London - Fears she'll suddenly snuff it on live UK TV were doing the rounds at Hellfire Club HQ today. The Illuminatis' cold war shoo-in has been plagued by nightmares since Sunday's tragic 1,000 Guineas that claimed the life of 33/1 filly Gray Pe...
Read full storyLiverpool v Chelsea FA Cup Final to be replayed
Following the controversy of the Andy Carrol goal that wasn't given at Wembley on Saturday, which allowed Chelsea to win the FA Cup 2-1, the Football Association have made the bold decision to have the game replayed - tonight at Anfield! In a shoc...
Read full storyAviva Boss Andrew Moss Steps Down - Shouldn't Have Changed Name, Says Expert
Insurance firm Aviva has announced that chief executive Andrew Moss will be leaving with immediate effect. Observers say the shock announcement follows the embarrassment of losing a shareholder vote on executive pay at the annual meeting last week...
Read full storyPresident Obama Orders Navy Seals To Kill Bin Laden, Again
A leaked White House document has revealed that President Obama is so concerned about his flagging support he ordered the elite Navy Seals to kill Osama Bin Laden again in an attempt to boost his popularity prior to the upcoming Presidential election...
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