Swedish Eurovision Song Contest Winner Has "A Big Head And Suspiciously Large Hands" Says Anne Shuttlecock
Long suffering wife of local idiot, Martin Shuttlecock - the lovely Anne - today stated unequivocally that she's had a really shit day. "It all started in the early hours, when my silly bastard of a husband woke me up at about four thirty am deman...
Read full storyJohn Edwards elopes with jurors #3, 4, & 5! Mistrial declared!
In a stunning development Friday afternoon, the judge in the John Edwards trial declared a mistrial after John Edwards eloped with three jurors in his misuse of campaign funds litigation. The government lawyers were furious as Edward's defense te...
Read full storyObama Waves Magic Wand: Liberals' Dreams Come True
In a move that stunned Washington insiders, President Obama granted the wishes of the most disaffected members of his base today. With one wave of his newly acquired magic wand, the president boosted domestic spending, raised taxes on the richest on...
Read full storyEngland Fans Snub Norway Match And Watch Eurovision Instead
Tens of thousands of England football fans last night snubbed the warm up friendly match against Norway, preferring instead to watch Engelbert in Eurovision. It's been 46 years since England won anything worthwhile, and despite the appointment of...
Read full storyFEMA Camps Just A Coverup
Documents recently released revealed that so-called FEMA Concentration Camps actually were being used by underground movie producers to film pornographic movies. Joe Conforte, long time Nevada brothel owner, and more recently owner of the Mustang Ra...
Read full storyLocal Man Takes Coffee And Packed Lunch To Currys/ PC World As He Checks Out 3D TVs
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock had quite a surprise in store for staff at his local branch of Currys/PC World, when he turned up completely unannounced, along with long suffering wife, Anne, a flask of coffee, a four pack of Belgian lager, and a tuppe...
Read full storyAnonymous Hacks Man's Computer to Play Solitaire
Howard Muff set his anti-virus program to scan his computer. Then he shut off his monitor and went to bed. When he woke up in the middle of the night to check on it, he got quite a surprise: the cyber-terrorist group, "Anonymous", was actively playin...
Read full storyLady Gaga Opens Up About Her Recent Wardrobe Malfunction
LOS ANGELES - Lady Gaga performed before a sell-out crowd at The San Andreas Fault Coliseum where she received two standing ovations. The woman of many elaborate outfits and flamboyant costumes was interviewed backstage by Hollywood Innuendo repor...
Read full storyT. Blair and the Witch Project
With Tony Blair taking the stand in the Leveson enquiry on Monday morning, many people are expecting him to be questioned about Rebekah Brooks. Tabloid headline writers are sharpening their pencils in a euphemistic way at the prospect of what he migh...
Read full storySovereign Repo to air in July
ATHENS - Filming is almost completed for the reality T.V. show, Sovereign Repo. While some footage has leaked out, those responsible are being rounded up this weekend, according to spokesman Themistocles N. Theosophisto, producer of the new series.
Read full storyInquisition: Pope's butler caused leaks
VATICAN - Our mole on the Vatican guard issued an encrypted communique to our news desk minutes ago. The Pope's butler is being charged with being totally responsible for recent leaks. The leaks have been quite embarrassing for the Pope, who de...
Read full storySugar carbon tax to curb population
NEW YORK - Our mole on the UN Special Population Taxation Administration has just reported that sugar and starch are going to be slapped with a huge carbon tax. Such items will be affordable only by the wealthy, or as special treats by the middle cl...
Read full storyBlair's lucky rabbits feet will be confiscated before Leveson Inquiry grilling on Monday
London - Other amulets and talismans facing impounding are a vile [sick] of holy water personally passed by the Pope at Blair's catlick conversion ceremony. And a lucky locket of Cherie's locks before the Old Queen Mum's funeral sent her completel...
Read full storyDorking Publicist Hires Stately Home For Live Internet Streamed Wild Celebrity Sex Orgy - Nobody Shows Up
Self styled Dorking based publicist, Damian Pinter, was left counting the cost today, as his latest ambitious project was judged to be little more than an abject failure. Pinter, a youthful, outgoing, 81 year old opportunist revealed that he had h...
Read full storyScouts burn down forest with Olympic Torch
Scouts from the 3.17th Fylde Troop near Blackpool were given the honour of passing the torch through Lytham St Annes, a stretch of thirty miles that took it through the historic Halfbaked Woods. Each of the thirty strong team of scouts carried the...
Read full storyMiami Heat Player Dwyane Wade Receives A $20,000 Fine For Wearing Shocking Pink Pants To The Post Game Media Room Interview
INDIANAPOLIS - NBA Commissioner David Stern has stated that NBA players are going to learn to show up to post game media room interviews dressed respectably or else they will be hit hard in the pocketbook. The latest professional basketball player...
Read full storyCharlie "The Space Cadet" Sheen Plunks Down $230,000 For Lawrence Taylor's Super Bowl Ring
SHERMAN OAKS, California - Charlie Sheen sat in his Mulholland Estate Mansion Casa Jose Cuervo smoking an imported 10-inch Cuban cigar and taking sips from a bottle of tequila that he named his Sherman Oaks mansion after. Sheen, who is known as "T...
Read full story"What a Dump!" Fenway Park Strikes Back
Bobby Valentine oversaw his team begin to brawl in the ninth inning after Luke Scott, sometime Fenway Park detractor, was hit by a pitch. Scott despises Fenway Park and gave an interview to that effect, which has ranked him at the top of the enemi...
Read full storyIMF head Laguerre calls for naval blockade of Greece
PARIS - IMF head Laguerre called for a naval blockade of Greece today in a private meeting with our secret source who lives with her. Pillow talk turned violent as Laguerre saw images of Greek protesters being clubbed by police on TV while holed...
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