Weep Breaks to be introduced for all Grand Slam tennis tournaments from 2013
The pressures of competition have become so great on today's professional tennis tours that the players just can't take it any more. Following an explosion of crying by top players over the last 2 weeks in the latest Grand Slam tennis tournament,...
Read full storyCruise/Holmes Settlement Finally Hammered Out as Tom Agrees to Keep The Beckhams
The divorce settlement between diminutive Hollywood heart-throb Tom Cruise and his unemployed wife Kate (nee Katie) Holmes - which had become increasingly acrimonious in recent days - was finally resolved late Sunday when Tom magnanimously agreed to...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Could Be Replacing Randy "The Dawg" Jackson On American Idol
LOS ANGELES - After eleven seasons and 438 episodes the longest sitting judge on American Idol Randy "The Yo Yo Man" Jackson could be uttering his last "Yo, yo dawg" on the top rated musical reality show. The powers that be, who are known for shak...
Read full storyWashington Outlaws Money; Puts Americans on a Credit Allowance
Washington DC - Your money isn't good here anymore. A new ruling by the Federal Reserve prohibits Americans from "owning, possessing or utilizing" money, in any shape or form, under the threat of life imprisonment. The prohibition is at the heart...
Read full storyMalware keeps web users from reading about malware problem that affects hardly any computers but managed to create fear and suspicion across internet
A reported malware virus credited to international hackers who ran an online advertising scam to take control of more than 570,000 infected computers around the world has been described as totally irrelevant after it was revealed that the affected co...
Read full storyMurray Set for Male Singles...Pop Career
Pop mogul and human-yet-waxwork Simon Fuller has signed Andy Murray to his label and looks set to launch his solo music career. After numerous sightings in Murray's corner throughout Wimbledon rumours started circulating about their relationship.
Read full storyPaul McCartney's "Ebony & Ivory" banned in the UK!
Britain's Nr 1 supermarket have unleashed a multi-culti "can of worms" because they stupidly priced a black doll cheaper than a white doll; idiots. Now it seems the UK are to go completely colourless and even the pop world is feeling the "wind of cha...
Read full storyGringotts implicated in Libor Scandal
The record £290m fine imposed on Barclays for attempting to manipulate the price of a crucial interest rate known as Libor - the London interbank offered rate - and its European equivalent Euribor - is likely to be chicken feed after another London b...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Public Appearances
Dear Constituents I had such a hectic weekend but it was spoiled again by the rain. For those constituents untrained in meteorology I can confirm that the current weather is caused by the jet stream having moved much further south this year. However, I suspect a more obvious link to the Eurozone crisis. As a result, I have asked the Met Office to look into the likelihood of a conspiracy...
Read full storyMore Banks In The Pipeline
With the news that Car Salesmen and Estate Agents are now more trusted than Banks a new initiative is under way to capitalise on the public mood. Car Salesman Sam Slammer is setting up in Ashby de la Douche High Street with opening offers of a sec...
Read full storyOMG! Hundreds of Palace clocks stopped at 18.16BST amid Murray glory bid flop
London - An early Regency astronomical clock displayed in Buckingham Palace's Lower Corridor was the first to shudder to a halt according to reports. "Its shining orbs crashed suddenly," a Royal Collection curator said today, "much like other, er,...
Read full storyLords Reform expose poor casting to play out Lucas epic
Throughout the corridors of power it is well known that the Prime Minister idolises the Star Wars antagonist Lord Vader and for some time many backbenchers have feared this obsession would play out in party politics. Fourteen months since getting...
Read full storyAnnual Garbo Award Nominees for Boston Athlete of Year
Yes, Boston sports fans, it's that time again: "The Annual Garbo Awards!" Each year we hold a competition to determine which Boston athlete most honored the legend and reputation of film star Greta Garbo, arguably one of the all-time great actress...
Read full storyFormer Celtics Savior on White Horse to Save the Day
Kevin McHale may pass to Danny Ainge. It won't be the first time. Those two have played pass and shoot more often off court than on. Kevin McHale, coach of the Houston Rockets, may again ride to the rescue of the Boston Celtics. He seems to like c...
Read full storyGutarist's Son says he's learned his lesson
Charles Philmore, son of lead guitarist Dave "Mr Happy" Philmore of the prog-rock behemoths Purple Cloud, walked free from prison today after spending three of his six month sentence for inciting indolence. Charlie, dressed in knee length buckle boo...
Read full storyWhat's Gone Wong At Wonga.com???
Insults were flying thick and fast on the set of Wonga.com today as directors Betty, Joyce and Earl were recording their latest advertisement. "Things were getting very heated between Betty and Joyce" said an insider who wished to remain anonymous...
Read full storyNRA President: Guns Don't Kill People But Little Balls of Lead Discharged from Gun Barrels at 3,400 Feet Per Second That Tear through Flesh, Tissue, Bone and Major Organs May Have Teensy Bit to Do with It
NRA President Wayne LaPierre startled newsmen today with a most graphic concession. While holding out his thumb and index finger with tips barely touching, he acknowledged that although no one can deny that people kill people, guns may have "a teensy...
Read full storyMy Senior Moments for W/E: 8th July 2012
Sunday 1st July 2012 * Woke up 0600hrs, angina pains bad, went to loo, as I passed through the kitchen, I took the burnt pan of veg stew off the stove and placed it lovingly in a bowl of water. *WC'd made a cuppa, took medications, and did a bit on the Spoof. Monday 2nd July 2012 * Up at 0500hrs, Spoofed a bit, took medications, made meal for the lovely Margaret, got me gigantic stack...
Read full storyMurray Crashes Out For England
Braveheart Murray displayed his English credentials against Federer yesterday as he sobbed after defeat and accepted the "oh so nearly" title of runner up in the Wimbledon final. Andy Murray, has been taking a bit of stick recently after his jibe som...
Read full storyKanye West and Kim Kardashian To Record An Album
LOS ANGELES - Word out of LaLaLand is that Kanye West and his girlfriend Kim Kardashian will be heading into the recording studio very soon. The two have been planning on recording an album to be titled Kanye & Kim Sing The Hits of Taylor Swif...
Read full storyNASA to Research Particle Theory of Galactic Fairness
WASHINGTON, DC - While the scientists at CERN in Europe spent July 4th announcing their discovery of a Higgs Boson particle, America's government scientists at NASA were busy writing a "brilliant" thesis on why they are not "losers." While the scient...
Read full storyKobe Bryant Spotted At The La Brea Tar Pits Snuggling With Nadya Suleman
LA BREA, California - Los Angeles Laker superstar Kobe Bryant is still thrilled at the fact that another NBA superstar Steve Nash has joined the Lakers. Ever since the announcement was made Kobe has been on Cloud 9. He told Rufus Reno with Sports...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Having Second Thoughts About Marrying Angelina Jolie
NEW YORK CITY - Even Las Vegas oddsmakers are leery of making odds on if and when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will officially tie the knot. Brad recently expressed that he is having second thoughts about the whole wedding situation. When promp...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 9th July 2012
Talksport Alan Pardew insists he is doing everything he can to keep striker Demba Ba, 27, at Newcastle I find handcuffs work best. Daily Mail Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey, 21, admits he and his team-mates have no idea how the situation with striker Robin van Persie will pan out. Have you thought about seeing a clairvoyant? Liverpool are understood to have had a bid rejected for 25-yea...
Read full storyDeath of Ernest Borgnine causes re-casting nightmare for Susan Boyle biopic
The sudden death of Ernest Borgnine, the craggily faced and larger than life screen star known for his roles as an ugly villain but who did win an Oscar as a lovesick butcher in "Marty" in 1955, has caused a casting headache for the producers of the...
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