Anthony Weiner Loses Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest: Claims Winner Ate His Weiner By Mistake
BILLINGSGATE POST - Disgraced Congressman Anthony Weiner entered Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island hoping to redeem himself by eating more weiners than the other contestants. Instead, he created another controversy by claiming t...
Read full storyOut of control fireworks blow up Heaven
Las Vegas, Nevada - Just when we thought we had "smoothed things over" with the Almighty, some dingle berry sets His house on fire. A fireworks display in Las Vegas, Nevada, reported to be the largest in the world, went completely crazy during a J...
Read full storyKatie Holmes Tells Tom Cruise She Wants Half of The $600 Million or Else She's Singing Like A Canary
NEW YORK CITY - Kathie Holmes has been keeping pretty much of a low profile in regards to her filing for divorce from her husband of five years Tom Cruise. But reports are surfacing out of the Big Apple, where Katie is living with daughter Suri, t...
Read full storyTennis fans' horror as Tim Henman's dad mistaken for George W Bush
London - Quite what he was doing in Wimbledon's royal box is a mystery, flanked by the likes of gold digger Kate Middleton and assorted other desperate Z-Listers. Today the facial similarity between Anthony Henman - father of top UK tennis no-wozz...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - The Eurozone & Sainsbury's
Dear Constituents What a hectic week and it's only Wednesday. My theme today is Europe and so my Newsletter is full of complicated statistics that might only be full appreciated by my constituents with a decent education. So, for the majority of you (and that includes that upstart who thinks he's in with a chance to take over from me at the next election) I'll try to simplify things.
Read full storyKryptonite Hits Superman Dwight Howard
Who would have guessed that the man in the Superman costume was an impostor? It appears that Orlando has housed both Mickey Mouse and a dirty rat. Newly hired Orlando Magic GM Rob Hennigan has reached for both the bottle of aspirin this week...
Read full storyJustice Roberts de-frocks himself flees country!
The Associated Press is reporting this morning that Chief Justice John Roberts was spotted boarding an international flight at Ronald Reagan International Airport. Evidently Justice Roberts was wearing sackcloth and ashes in an attempt to disguise hi...
Read full storyHiggs Boson found in outside toilet in Nottingham!
A gigantic Higgs Boson has been discovered during a session of relief caused by too many curries and chips bought at a local Indian take-away (not a racist comment BTW). The explosion took place on an outside bog (better known as a crap-hole) in N...
Read full storyCharlie Higgs-Boson Particle Found
A particle of the late, great Charlie Higgs-boson has reportedly been found in the large Hadrians Wall collider outside the Dignitas Clinic in Switzerland. It is thought this could be the crucial particle in finding out the origins of derivative...
Read full storyScientology temple trumps 'Westminster Abbey' crop circle theory
Stanton St Bernard, Wiltshire - Five teardrop pendants 'dangling like chandelier crystals' from a pentagonally-spired design are a classic Scientology temple symbol an expert said today. "They represent Katie Holmes' tears during her five year mar...
Read full storyUS Sending Ospreys to Japan
TOKYO (AP) - The United States is moving ahead with plans to deploy its first Ospreys to Japan, despite strong opposition from residents over safety issues and concerns about their behavior patterns. Local residents have heard of the damage they have...
Read full storyPro-Life Campaigners Extend Protection to the Unborn Post-Eucharistic Stool!
Leading pro-life groups have extended their anti-abortion campaign to post-Eucharistic stools. According to the pro-lifers, it is a "blasphemous, anti-life abomination" to empty one's bowels within 48 hours of consuming the body of Christ during reli...
Read full storyGronk: Man in the Pink Zubaz Shorts
Only a legend could dare. When the effervescent Dwyane Wade of the Miami Heat donned his hot pink hot pants walking into the lockerroom during playoffs, he looked like a giant Pepto-Bismal pill waiting to be swallowed by someone with a deep sense...
Read full storyHiggs Boson Found! It's About Time Says Sweeney Vet
Cern scientists revealing results from the Large Hadron Collider have claimed the discovery of a new particle consistent with the Higgs boson. Boffins have been searching for 45 years for the particle which they believe will explain how matter at...
Read full storyiPhone's Siri caught turning to crime
The Pride of the Apple iPhone 4, Siri, has been caught cloning identities and stealing credit card data. The artificially intelligent assistant on the phone has been using Bluetooth to connect to nearby unencrypted phones and extract any credit card...
Read full storyShock of shocks! Cern 'discover' Higgs boson just as predicted!
The Higgs boson, the particle that has cost untold billions of dollars to detect, has potentially been discovered, just as the Cern scientists said it would be earlier in the year. The Hadron collider is due to be shut down at the end of the year...
Read full storyThe World's Most Famous Pizza Mascot Fired!
IRVING, Texas - Chuck E. Cheese's mascot, the giant, hideous-looking rodent has been shooed out the front door. After 35 years of being the official spokesrat for one of America's leading children's pizza establishments Chuck E. will join the rank...
Read full storyNadya Suleman and Rosie O'Donnell To Appear In "The Vampire Trolls of Transylvania"
HOLLYWOOD - Tri-Moon films in association with Durango Grundyweather have just released a media notification memo that filming will soon begin on the vampire troll drama The Vampire Trolls of Transylvania. Grundyweather who will be producing as we...
Read full story50 Shades of Grey or 10 Shades of S**t
50 Shades of Grey by E L James V 10 Shades of Shit by Chantelle Battersby 50 Shades of grey is the book of the moment. Everybody is trying to get their hands on a copy of this book of "Mummy Porn". But is it as good as all the hype makes it out to be. ? A local first time author, Chantelle Battersby from Miles Platting Manchester, claims that author E L James had stolen her id...
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