Recently Dumped College Football BCS System to be Adopted for US Presidential Elections
Today the Bowl Championship System (better known as the BCS) announced that the "status quo" was no longer an option, meaning that the much-criticized system for crowning college football's annual champion was being dumped for something (hopefully) b...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to Marry at the North Pole
A cool site for a wedding. In more ways than one, according to the happy couple. And a possible side effect, say Angie and Brad, is that many of the paparazzi (frozen turnips!) may choose to stay home. Ever since a Norwegian explorer married...
Read full storyInfamous Octomom Earns Ph.D, Signs with Warner Bros. as Nemesis Doc Octomom for Next SpiderMan Release
Nadya Suleman, better known as "Octomom," today earned her Ph.D. in Media Relations from the University of Woodchips. Upon the conveyance of her degree, Dr. Octomom received a call from movie studio Warner Bros., offering her a $10 million signing...
Read full storyPeter Andre Admits Part Two:
"I've always hated music. I hate it with a passion that burns deeply within me. It's an all consuming hatred that almost single handily sustains me on a day to day basis. That and pizza; man I fucking love pizza." This was the shocking opening sta...
Read full storyCouncillors Wade-in to Rescue Colony of Endangered Synchronised Swimmers
Dorking Council today revealed plans for a synchronised swimmer's sanctuary to be built at the rear of the Speedy-Fit tyre depot on Bleasdale Street. The sanctuary, which will include a heavily chlorinated Olympic size pool, with an underwater sou...
Read full storyRoss Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 4
The expected fireworks between Ronnie O'Sullivan and Peter Ebdon never materialized - perhaps Health & Safety sent them a memo? Ronnie won comfortably by 10-4 and could face Mark Williams in the next round. Also through is Andrew Higginson who beat Stephen Lee 10-6. Andrew Higginson is not from Finland, therefore he is not the son of John (or Alex) Higgins. Former champ Shaun Murphy w...
Read full story"Die Lederhosen" are now "The Special One's"
Last night BMW (Bavarian Master Works) proved that there are more "Special Ones" than generally is believed (Especially "The Special One" himself) after donning their "Lederhosen", spanking their knees and spanking the bums of Ronaldo & Co. Jo...
Read full storyRoss Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 3
They say the sign of a misspent youth is being a good snooker player. Well Belgian teen Luca Brecel must have grown up playing snooker using a stool to reach the table. He is the fifth seventeen year old in the history of the game to reach the Crucible - and he scored a century on his debut to celebrate - although it wasn't enough for him to beat Stephen Maguire, going down by 10-6 to the Scot.
Read full storyEgyptian Book of the Grateful Dead vindicated as matrimonial necrophilia legalised in Cairo
Egypt - A Sharia court has ruled that having sex with a wife up to six hours after her death is to become legal again. The announcement comes after scholars cited pre-Islamic era practices described in the famous 1550BC necrophiliacs' marriage gui...
Read full storyShakespeare's Co-Writer Was Spoof Hack Danton, Say Top Experts
News that Shakespeare had a collaborator when he penned the comedy All's Well That Ends Well has astounded the literary establishment. But a row has broken out over who the co-writer might have been. Literature boffins at Oxford University reck...
Read full storyPopeye The Sailor Man In "Commie" Beetroot Revelation
Cartoon favourite, Popeye, always cracked open a can of spinach when he needed an energy boost to fight off his enemies and save Olive. But research has suggested it would have been better if he had opted for beetroot! Boffins have discovered t...
Read full storyThe Hunting Act - Eight Years On (An Undercover Report)
The Hunting Act 2004 is a United Kingdom Act of Parliament. Its effect is to outlaw hunting with dogs - particularly for foxes, deer, hares and mink. During the pre-legislation debate it was claimed by the country sports community that the Act would be devastating to rural economies as well as undermining centuries of agrarian cultural tradition. Eight years on, however, it is apparent, even...
Read full storyBritain's Got Talent voting lines open now ahead of finals
Having announced to the media that he is down to his last £225 million, Simon Cowell he has decided to immediately open his premium cost telephone voting lines for this year's Britain's Got Talent competition. People who ring the lines - at £8 a m...
Read full storyWe Have Known Divas in Boston, and Wes Welker is Not a Diva
According to former New England Patriot and company man, Willie McGinest, Wes Welker is behaving like Cher on steroids. Yes, he actually called the lunch bucket player of choice a "diva." Though we frequently confuse Isaac Newton with Isaac Walto...
Read full storyDorking Police Impound Pigeons In Drugs Bust
Police in Dorking claim to have won a major victory in the war on drugs after impounding a local pigeon racer's birds. Officers from Dorking Central Division, accompanied by dog handlers and an armed response unit, visited an address in Mafeking L...
Read full storyThe NBA Suspends L.A. Laker Metta World Peace (The Player Formerly Known As Ron Artest) For 7 Games
NEW YORK CITY - NBA Commissioner David Stern handed out a stern suspension to the elbow-throwing Los Angeles Laker Metta World Peace. Commissioner Stern addressed the sports media that had assembled in the sports department at Macy's Department St...
Read full storyDolly Parton Injures Herself Filming a Pogo Stick Commercial
LOS ANGELES - Dolly Parton, the Queen of Country Music, was recently rushed to Our Lady of The Silver Screen Hospital in Los Angeles. According to Pia Confetti of the El Lay Informer Ms. Parton was in the process of filming a pogo stick commercial...
Read full storyTen Little Known Facts About Tonight Show Host Jay Leno
Jay Leno says that he loves hosting The Tonight Show so much that he plans on doing it when he is well into his 80s even if he has to do the stand up monologue using a walker. He recently told Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk that if he is ever fired by NBC that he would possibly consider burning down The Tonight Show studio. Leno acknowledged that he knows it will probably mean that...
Read full storyHow The Global Warming Con Began...
Possibly, but global warming/climate change science began out of research into ice cubes, shaken, not stirred,.... olives on a toothpick, probably a slice of lime, and paper table napkins. ------ IIII ------ At the far corner of an organic nightclub, Al Gore and Michael Mann sit sipping their eighth round of environmentally correct gimlets. They squint at each other under...
Read full storyX-Factor's Simon Cowell Very Disappointed That American Idol Has Just Given Ryan Seacrest A $30 Million Contract Extension
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The word out of LaLaLand is that reality show mogul Simon Cowell is absolutely devastated that Ryan Seacrest will not be signing on to be the new X-Factor host like he had hoped. Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest has just been given an ama...
Read full storyGang War Breaks Out In Wake Of Coachella, Hologram Tupac Found Dead
INDIO, CA--In what has once again shocked music-lovers the world over, hologram Tupac Shakur was found dead as a result of a violent East coast/West coast rap battle following the now infamous Coachella music festival. The hologram rapper, who's s...
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