How The Global Warming Con Began...

Funny story written by Delinore P. Potts

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Possibly, but global warming/climate change science began out of research into ice cubes, shaken, not stirred,.... olives on a toothpick, probably a slice of lime, and paper table napkins.

------ IIII ------

At the far corner of an organic nightclub, Al Gore and Michael Mann sit sipping their eighth round of environmentally correct gimlets. They squint at each other under the low, harsh glare of the low powered LED lights illuminating their table. For hours, Mann has been trying to get Gore to understand the science behind ice cubes melting while ensconced in recreational liquids. Mann, flustered with Gores lack of comprehending anything correctly, grabs a napkin, "OK,...I'll draw you a picture then..." The front of the napkin was already used by an imprint of a naked lady posing in a champagne glass and little bubbles floating around. Mann flips the napkin over while telling Gore that this graph can be used for anything... "I use this graph for everything, it's generic...and it makes me look smart...heh, heh, I don't have a PHD for nothing, ya know..."

Mann hastily draws a wiggly line across of the back the napkin. He mumbles something sounding like 'This is how ice cubes warm' while he slouches over in a stupor, face down in the spinach cheese dip. As he slumped forward, his hand, still holding a blue Bic pen, traced a line up at a sharp angle off the edge of the damp napkin. Gore cocks his head from one side then the other trying to read the napkin partially obscured by Mann's hand. Gore reaches forward to retrieve the napkin...

After several attempts, Gore finally grasps the napkin, holding it high in front of him. He studies it intently, rotating it as he investigates it, mostly because he is having trouble focusing his eyes. Finally, after some of the fuzziness clears a bit and angling the napkin so the dim LED light shines more directly on it, 'This looks like a hockey stick...' he thinks to himself. "It is a hockey stick" Gore exclaims loudly to the top of Mann's head. He leans forward and plants a kiss on Mann's bald spot, scoots to the end of the seat and attempts to stand up. After several tries, he gets to his feet and moves forward. He has to get to a phone. He has an idea but George Soros has to be notified and Gore needs the blessing of Soros to go forward with any plans.

Then the earth must have moved. Gore, who has trouble walking, slurring out loud to himself that it has be continental drift that is causing him to wobble. Taking note of the continental drift, Gore lurches forward, looking for a phone.

Soros became excited, the hockey stick fits in perfectly with his plans. He asked Gore to hold off on the continental drift idea for now as it involved getting rid of 90 percent of the human population that is causing imbalance in the continents, but this will be brought forward soon. Go ahead and use the hockey stick with your doom and gloom scenario and I'll be working behind the scenes in your support.

Gore hung up the phone, visions of dollar signs floated through his mind's eye. 'I'll start the first thing tomorrow, but first, I need a good massage...' he thought to himself as he staggered out of the nightclub leaving Mann blowing bubbles in the spinach cheese dip......


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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