Today the Bowl Championship System (better known as the BCS) announced that the "status quo" was no longer an option, meaning that the much-criticized system for crowning college football's annual champion was being dumped for something (hopefully) better.
The U.S. government wasted no time in swooping in and claiming the old, abandoned BCS system as its own. Proclaimed the federal government, "We know that for the last 200 years that the federal Electoral College has been both confusing and controversial. We thus intend to scrap it and institute in its place the old BCS standings system, which relies upon computer, coaches, and media rankings. We feel that this change will be easier to understand and implement, not to mention market."
Added the U.S. government, "Speaking of marketing, we also plan to explain this change in 'The Announcement,' which will be filmed on South Beach. Proceeds generated by this must-see pay-per-view event will be used to start a fund to pay for narcs that will infiltrate Secret Service cadres in hopes of preventing further scandals involving improper behavior with purveyors of such things."
