Chelsea Defy The Odds To Make Champions League Final
Unbelievable. Probably the only word to sum up Chelsea's performance at the Nou Camp tonight. The game didn't start well for Chelsea when they lost Gary Cahill to a strained sideburn after eleven minutes. It got worse when Sergio Busquets gave Bar...
Read full storyMitt Romney Cites Clark Griswold For Idea To Put Dog On Car Roof
BILLINGSGATE POST - When asked why he used to strap his Irish Setter, Seamus, on his station wagon roof during road trips with his family, Mitt Romney said he got the idea from Clark Griswold in the movie, Vacation. As anyone who has seen this Ch...
Read full storyMichael Lohan Sadly Back in the News
The entertainment industry had managed to survive a couple of months without a truly preposterous statement coming from a Hollywood wanna-be, but thanks to Michael Lohan, father, convict and ex-husband to a couple of social train wrecks, we must inte...
Read full storyWhen the Saints Go Listening In…
Hold the phone! Now the New Orleans Saints prove they are the worst sinners since Eve ate that Apple iPhone. Yes, the FBI and the Louisiana State Police are looking into allegations that the highest officials of the Saints were illegally wire-tapp...
Read full storyDilemma Llama
Further to the breaking story submitted on 24 April 2012 where Mr Cameron and Mrs Nikki Cameron (nee Mr Clegg) declared their civil partnership to the world,is the amazing revelation that the couple are looking to adopt a Drowning Street Llama to rep...
Read full storyGentleman John Terry Red Carded For Kneeing Alexis Sanchez Up The Bottom
There was an extremely tense atmosphere at the Camp Nou as Barcelona entertained Chelsea in the Champions League semi final a few minutes ago, with Chelsea under siege from a rampant Barcelona strike force. Including Lionel Messi and Alexis Sanchez.
Read full story99% of Americans Are Rushing to Places They Don't Want to Go
In a research study that confounded scientists, it was revealed that Americans live in constant state of hurry - and 99% of the rushers don't want to arrive at the place they're rushing to get to! Says Dr. Anna Klein, Director of the Center for Am...
Read full storyOut of the Drowning Street Closet!
A press release from Drowning street confirmed the overnight rumours about Prime-minister Cameron and deputy Prime-minister Clegg. Whilst on a visit to San Francisco, Gay capital of California, in 2008 they were in fact married in a civil service. Th...
Read full storyBillionaires to Build Out of This World Brothel and Casino
This morning, Mikhail Prokhorov, Stanley Ho, Donald Trump and four unnamed Russian oligarchs proudly announced the formation of a new enterprise to boldly recruit lithe tubal ligated young virginal women from other galaxies to become "hostesses" on a...
Read full storyDidier Drogba is to become a Ballerina after his career as "theatre actor"!
Barcelona have warned Chelsea's D.Drogba not to play-act, dive, roll all over the ground after being hit with a feather, roll his eye-balls at the cameras, waste time or generally act like Hugh Grant; terrible! Didier, refutes all of the claims th...
Read full storyDeath of Favorite Chimp in Rocket Failure Saddens North Korean Leadership
Kim Jung Un has ordered all North Koreans to fast for the next 30 days and drink small quantities of arsnic in commemoration of his lost pet Kim Jung Kong. The pet and favorite of Kim Jung Un was lost in the missile explosion, attempting to be the fi...
Read full storyWal-Mart bribes Vatican! Condoms in convents and confessionals!
Wal-Mart stock dropped sharply again today as the Associated Press is reporting that another scandal has emerged for the giant corporation. Sources within the Vatican have confirmed on condition of anonymity, that officials at the highest level at bo...
Read full storyJeremy *unt and the BSkyB stunt
London - Secretary of State for Vultures, Mediocrity and Spots Jeremy *unt has been outed as a NewsCorpse stooge at the Leveson Inquiry today. A smug little toerag even by Tory standards *unt tipped off the Murdochs about a Parliamentary statement...
Read full storyTed Nugent Arrested?!
During a secret service investigation of Nugent for his so called threat on the president's life, a diary allegedly written by the infamous rock start of the 80's was discovered and deemed proof of his intent to commit unlawful acts. According to...
Read full storyMan Sets Fire to Hedge 'So Fire Brigade Would Hose his Lawn'
A Dorking resident was so frustrated he couldn't water his lawn under the current hosepipe ban that he deliberately set fire to a neighbour's hedge, in the hope that the emergency services - by extinguishing it - would simultaneously water his grass.
Read full storyNottingham men in naked Wiccan arson romp
Nottingham - A packed court has heard how two Nottingham pagans used an ancient 'skyclad' rite as a bit of an excuse for a spot of naked romping around a makeshift indoor fire. The Meadows residents Mr A Mughal and Mr T Williams shed their inhibit...
Read full storyBobby Valentine Channels Old Casey Stengel
After a couple of horrendous ninth inning relief appearances, Alfredo Aceves found himself waiting for Bobby Valentine to make his way to the mound in Minnesota with the game on the line. The manager may look like he is suffering every time he go...
Read full storyMan Smokes 100 Cigarettes Before Lunch - And Lives!
Veteran English teacher Dave Stubb has amazed colleagues at a language school in Bangkok by claiming that he smokes 100 cigarettes before lunch - without any adverse effects on his health. Dave, 70, but not looking a day over 69, has been smoking...
Read full storyBoris Headed for No 10
In a move to improve the Tory image, senior Conservatives are preparing the ground for Boris Johnson to take over from David Cameron whether he remains London Mayor or not. 'This will get us away from the Toff image of priveliged public school twi...
Read full storyWest Ham Conversion
West Ham are praying that the Saints will lose their last match and that the Hammers will get 6 past Hull on Saturday, just like in the last home match, just in case the Saints draw their last match. If the prayers are answered the Irons will get aut...
Read full storyEvgeny Lebedev beard 'inspired by Spoof archive photo'
London - The Russian proprietor of a UK broadshit [sic] turned up at the Leveson Inquiry on Monday in a Spoof-style stick on beard and mustache. The camouflage falsies come after months of ribbing by tabloid hacks that Evgeny Lebedev 'is a dead ri...
Read full storyMasterchef contestant disqualified for his unorthodox dish
Masterchef contestant, Wayne Pipe, has been unceremoniously dumped from the show despite winning, when it discovered that he had bought his signature dish from a supermarket. In his place, runner up Eve Guttering will go through to the next round.
Read full storyFrock and Roll printing error causes misery in Newcastle
Bon Jovi's UK tour hit a snag when it rolled into Newcastle last week after the posters for the tour contained a slight spelling error. Instead of A Night Of Rock and Roll with Bon Jovi the posters actually read A Night of Frock and Roll with Bon...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Remarks About The Provocative Cabo San Lucas, Mexico Photos of Her And Russell Brand
HOLLYWOOD - Russell Brand and Kate Gosselin recently returned from spending three days and four nights down in beautiful Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The couple stayed at The Puffy Taco Resort & Casino which is co-owned by Ryan Seacrest and Steven...
Read full storyKathy Griffin Agrees To Enroll In An Anger Management Class
LOS ANGELES - Kathy Griffin has admitted that the stress from appearing on the cable show My Life On The D List has finally gotten to her. She was recently at the Haven of Hair Salon in Beverly Hills where she was getting her hair done. Her hai...
Read full storyTop Ten Reasons to Get a Neck Tattoo
Many people assume that a neck tattoo can have adverse effects. You might be stereotyped, and in the end, it may cause practical difficulties. However, our survey reveled 10 good reasons why you should consider getting a neck tattoo: 10. People will notice you. 9. You've already tattooed everything else. 8. You're less likely to get mugged. 7. You can hide a hickey. 6. It will dis...
Read full storyRon Paul Solves Jobs Crisis: 4-Day Work-Week!
In a flash of insight he calls divine inspiration, presidential hopeful Ron Paul singlehandedly discovered the solution to the nation's current job crisis: scaling down the work-week from five days to four. "It's so obvious!" exclaimed Paul to joy...
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