This morning, Mikhail Prokhorov, Stanley Ho, Donald Trump and four unnamed Russian oligarchs proudly announced the formation of a new enterprise to boldly recruit lithe tubal ligated young virginal women from other galaxies to become "hostesses" on a lavishly designed geostationary brothel and casino.
Outlining the paucity of Milky Way virgins, national and regional impediments to the construction of casinos and the exorbitant taxation of gaming businesses, Mr. Trump told reporters, "This is the opposite end of the spectrum of the perfect storm - this is the ultimate business model in a system of free enterprise while receiving soft, comely and nude assistance with straps and boot removal but without any government subsidy or tax abatement. This venture will be funded 100% by private sources, not that we have not entertained the thought of an IPO. That very well could be in the cards at some future date."
Mr. Prokhorov added; "We have carefully analyzed the marketplace and discovered demand far exceeded supply. The concept of a space station, totally beyond the reach of all mindless taxing authorities, organizations opposed to carnal and gambling needs of paying consumers and flat earthers…well, this was just too juicy not to bite into when it was initially presented to me.
"The avenues for expansion are as infinite as the stars in the universe. Exclusive franchising licenses will be available for other planetoids, galaxies and dimensions. In the spirit of letting freedom ring, any service or product requested by consumers will be available, all in the privacy of your own cosmic domain and unfettered by legal restraints from any governing body.
"Whether it be drugs, having S &M with a wildebeest or simply an endless video loop of "Deep Throat" playing on a 70" wide screen HD display with Dolby/THX sound from (24) separate speakers…we'll provide it. If you think FedEx delivers, try us. Any feasible request will be respected with a timely and non-judgmental provision of your command. We're here to serve - you want a judge, try Judge Judy.
"You want a bed companion with blond hair and is tighter than a Scottish pawnbroking Rabbi from the Punjab, try us. We will be every client's cosmic concierge…I like that; I think we'll use that in our promotions.
"We already have a supply agreement with Brin and Cameron to supply us with certifiably pure water from hemorrhoids…err I mean asteroids.
"Forgive me, you know English is my fifth language and I'm having real trouble with the New Jersey dialect and Rosetta Stone is of no benefit, but I have finally mastered "fuhgetaboutit homey."
Finally, Hong Kong/Macau developer and entrepreneur Stanley Ho stepped up to the microphone, which was two feet above his head given Prohkorov's extreme height.
"Gentlemen…and lady, I have extensive experience in servicing well endowed or should I say well heeled customers. This is no venture - this is an adventure. This can only succeed beyond our wildest dreams.
"The only possible risks are interstellar collisions with comets or other orbiting bodies and massive solar plasma storms. As I speak, my team is in negotiations with a tail hunting firm on Cassiopeia to supply our "Haven in Heaven," (Heaven's Gate had baggage) with attractive young women that eagerly seek minimum wage employment and those girls have THREE breasts and there is not a word for "no" in their language.
"We will begin taking prepaid advance reservations for our Grand Opening on December 20th 2012. No worries about rings off when the wheels go up at our Haven in Heaven."
