Fenway Park Lists: 'A' List Reaches Down to the B 'List'
When you are an afterthought, you may feel a little unwanted. According to the Red Sox, Theo Epstein (General Manager for two World Series teams) was not invited to the big shindig at Fenway on Friday because he was a man without a number. Yes,...
Read full storyArea Man's Leg Dies In Its Sleep
WABASHA, MN-Brett Konsky, 46, went to bed Saturday night thinking everything in his comfortable, if not boring life was going along rather uneventfully. That all changed early Sunday morning when Brett awoke to find he had no feeling at all in hi...
Read full story110% Gene
Scientists have finally isolated the "110%" gene that sets sportsman apart from us mere mortals. Staggeringly though it may seem most sportsman claim to give "110%" very few are actually capable of doing this as they do not possess the "110%" gene. P...
Read full storyAndre Breivik, Ted Nugent And Charlie Sheen Kick Off Their 'Three Maniacs' Tour
Andre Breivik, the Norwegian extreme right wing mass murderer, Ted Nugent, the Detroit 'Motorcity Madman' (in so many ways more than the original intent) and Charlie Sheen, the 'Platoon Psycho', will be kicking of their 'Kick You In The Teeth' maniac...
Read full storyDick Clark Says His Death Was a Blooper, Vows to Return to Times Square for 2013
Times Square - Dick Clark has no intention of resting in peace. The television pioneer has brushed off the massive heart attack which led to his death earlier this week, and is busy planning his traditional New Year's Eve broadcast from New York's Ti...
Read full storyUS to Open Relationships With Cuba For FarmVille Resources.
(Washington, DC) - Today, Barack Obama announced that he will continue to work with Cuba to restore communication in order for the United States to gain access to Cuba's FarmVille resources. Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet A. Napolitano, wa...
Read full storyPope Admits God Probably Doesn't Exist But Encourages Catholics to Get Imaginary God Friend
Catholics everywhere were flabbergasted when, merely days after celebrating his 85th birthday, Pope Benedict XVI issued a formal statement acknowledging that God probably does not exist. Nevertheless, the Pope assured believers worldwide that they we...
Read full storyMay Days Alarming Cock Up
Theresa May has got her days in a muddle in a European Court bid by Abu Guitar over his deportation to Jordan. May claims she has the date of May Day right because it is her birthday. 'Would I get that wrong?' she asked a puzzled House of Commons.
Read full storyNeil Heywood and the Middletons, who would have thought it?
London - Daft social climbing parasites the Middletons were once business pals of the hapless Chinese fixer found RIP'd in a Chongqing motel. Their fledgeling psychic advice company Fortune Cookie Associates bombed after disastrous predictions vir...
Read full storyKevin Garnett Throws Boston Media into Golden Pond
Boston Celtics star Kevin Garnett won (for the second time) the Red Auerbach Award on Wednesday night for the 2011-12 season. He deserved it. Later, in the locker room he ripped the Boston media to shreds. KG tends to hold a grudge longer t...
Read full storyChelsea Star Reveals Winning Formula Over Barcelona
Chelsea star Didier Drogba proved last night that Barcelona could be beaten, and the use of football talent and knowledge was not even required to do so! The centre forward spent the majority of last nights game rolling around on the floor, clutch...
Read full storySupermarkets admit to controlling inflation
The big four supermarkets have come clean and admitted that they, and not the government or the banks, are in control of Britain's inflation figures. "The prices that we charge in our shops," said Tess Coe, spokesperson for Tesbury's, "are the sin...
Read full storyUK braces itself for a rainbow swarm
The Meteorological Office is issuing an amber warning to residents of the UK to prepare itself for a rainbow swarm as the wet weather sweeping the country causes spontaneous rainbow generation in all parts. "As we all know," said Michael Fish of t...
Read full storyPeople who moisturise advised to use both hands
Doctor and Gambol, the UK's largest manufacturer of non-edible creams, have announced the results of a study into moisturising that has come up with some remarkable conclusions. "We discovered that people tend to moisturise using just their writin...
Read full storyHow to Turn People Stupid
After the fall of the Persian Empire in 632, Omar, the 2nd successor to the prophet of Islam, issued his legendary order: 'Burn the libraries, for their value is in this book, (i. e., Moslem script).' The result of this decision and its complications was/has been, in fact, tantamount to surgically removing the brains of the Persian scientists of the time. After the burning of the books, Arabs, wh...
Read full storyDemi Moore Pleads With Ashton Kutcher To Take Her Back - AK Replies "Ah, That Ship Has Sailed!"
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Close friends of Demi Moore are very concerned about the health and well-being of the former "Cougar" wife of Ashton Kutcher. They say that all of a sudden the 49-year-old Moore truly believes that her former "Boy Toy" actually w...
Read full storyPolitical Facebook - Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich Discuss Mitt Romney
POLITICAL FACEBOOK Rick Santorum: Hey Newt are you there? 9:01 a.m. Newt Gingrich: Yeah Rick. I just finished having a piece of toast with some expensive butter that I have imported from Holland once a week. 9:04 a.m. Rick Santorum: Wow! I betcha it's good. 9:07 a.m. Newt Gingrich: Rick, it is so darn good, I actually hate to eat it. 9:11 a.m. Rick Santorum: Say Newt I just want...
Read full storyTed Nugent considered as GOP Vice Presidential candidate
New York, NY With the Romney campaign entering full Vice-Presidential Candidate search mode, our investigative reporting uncovered a document floating a surprising name as a potential candidate: Ted Nugent. After much snooping, we retrieved a...
Read full storyAbu Qatada May Go Or He May Not. He May Be Gone By May. May Still Be Here For The Olympics
Home Secretary Theresa May, may or may not have got her dates confused over the appeal deadline for terror suspect, Abu Qatada, although independent lawyers insist that Qatada may or may not be deported by May - stating that a monumental cock-up with...
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