Fenway Park Lists: 'A' List Reaches Down to the B 'List'

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Thursday, 19 April 2012

When you are an afterthought, you may feel a little unwanted.

According to the Red Sox, Theo Epstein (General Manager for two World Series teams) was not invited to the big shindig at Fenway on Friday because he was a man without a number.

Yes, only numbered on-field personnel would be marshaled onto the ceremonial diamond to listen to John Williams conduct his opus for pomposity, "Fanfare for Flounders," or whatever the overblown notes are called.

Theo Epstein probably thought he had escaped the Big Rock, not needing to take an overnight blue jet to Boston from Chicago.

Alas, as soon as the crack media heard Theo was 'Among the Missing,' the Sox put in a call on Theo's cell. Better late than never, Theo would attend the big day for Fenway.

Unfortunately, the diamond will be overrun with aging former stars, and Theo will have to settle for gourmet dining up in the owner's luxury suite.

Larry Lucchino did not want anyone to misread the omitted invite to Theo as anything but a belated birthday card. Apparently the engraved invitation was lost in the e-mail.

Now, if only Roger Clemens can receive clemency from his jury, he may be able to sit in the Monster Seats with Manny Ramirez. One can never tell no-shows without a guest list.

If they were invited, no one is saying, though King John Henry VIII may distinctly recall crossing their names off the guest list.

Anyone who didn't receive an invitation to Boston's biggest anniversary party of the century may begin to feel like the last-minute guest who found the Titanic had just sailed without him.

In a day or so, great relief will settle in when the videographers of history show Fenway Park listing badly with party-goers scrambling for a seat on the rapid transit to get out of town by the fifth inning.

As per usual, the party-poopers this year and every year for the Red Sox are the New York Yankees.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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