The big four supermarkets have come clean and admitted that they, and not the government or the banks, are in control of Britain's inflation figures.
"The prices that we charge in our shops," said Tess Coe, spokesperson for Tesbury's, "are the single major indicator for inflation. When we put prices up, inflation follows, and when we put prices down, the inflation rates also come down."
Supermarkets have known for some years now that they are in control of the British economy, and have been manipulating it for their own ends.
"John Tesbury needed to buy a house," said Tess Coe, "but the supermarkets had been keeping inflation high while he was saving money. When he had made a decision over which house he wanted, I believe it was some eighty-six room stately home, inflation was reduced so that he could get a good deal on the mortgage."
The ConDem UK Government have finally tacitly acknowledged the supermarket's power over the economy, and are considering admitting it publicly by putting the big four supermarkets in total control of the economy.
"We've let the banks run it for a while," said Chancellor, George Osborne. "I think it's been about seven hundred years. They've not done a very good job of it. It's time to let somebody else have a go."
It is widely acknowledged that George Osborne is not fit to run an economy car, never mind a country's economy, so industry analysts have seen the move as a good one.
"Anything that stops that plank mucking with money," said Alan Liszt, an industry analyst, "has to be a good thing. Whose bright idea was it to put a middle manager from Surrey in charge of the British economy?"
