Abu Qatada May Go Or He May Not. He May Be Gone By May. May Still Be Here For The Olympics

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Thursday, 19 April 2012

image for Abu Qatada May Go Or He May Not. He May Be Gone By May. May Still Be Here For The Olympics
I May Sort This Out In May. It May Be June. Maybe.

Home Secretary Theresa May, may or may not have got her dates confused over the appeal deadline for terror suspect, Abu Qatada, although independent lawyers insist that Qatada may or may not be deported by May - stating that a monumental cock-up within the Home Office had rendered the entire deportation saga worthless.

As it will now be addressed by the European Court of Human Wrongdoings.

Because the Home Office may have got its dates confused.

PM, David 'Do Nothing' Cameron declared that Qatada had 'outstayed his welcome in the UK,' adding that at the very least, the Government would crack down hard on Qatada, stating quite clearly that serious consideration would be given to suspending Qatada's benefits, pending appeal.

And making him do some community service, like painting park benches or something.

Whilst the appeal to the European Court of Human Wrongdoings rumbles on for another ten years at the taxpayer's expense.

A spokesperson, claiming to represent Abu Qatada, said that she wanted to make it absolutely clear that David Cameron and Theresa May are grossly incompetent, and that if Abu Qatada wishes to remain in the UK to take part in the Jubilee celebrations, watch the Olympics, and catch up on the next series of Downton Abbey, there's nothing the government can do to stop him.

No matter how 'clear' they are.

Theresa May, who upon her appointment as Home Secretary, promised in 'no uncertain terms' to crack down on crime, admitted that there may or may not be riots and widespread civil disobedience this summer in this UK Olympic, and Diamond Jubilee year. As there was after she had 'cracked down' on crime last year.

Abu Qatada was reported to be laughing his testicles off at the sheer folly of it all, and considering 'quite clearly' to be claiming damages against the government on the grounds of 'clear, transparent, see-through, and translucent' harrassment.

After which, the Con-Dem coalition will probably fund a rehabilitative gig for Abu Qatada to go on safari in Kenya, and swim with dolphins and narwhals in Florida and Greenland respectively.

With a free X-Box and a Blackberry thrown in.

It may happen. It may not.

"Let me be perfectly clear on this," Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg told reporters. "We may know what we're doing, we may not. We may be representative of the nation as a hole (sic) - we may not. One thing I can state unequivocally is that we don't deal in 'maybes' Most of the time. Perhaps. Possibly. Maybe. Yester-me-yester-you-yester-day. Stevie Wonder? Maybe."

Abu Qatada was (probably) quite confused by Theresa May's maybes, or he may not have been.

He may have been 'perfectly clear' about all the 'may' and 'maybe but probably won't be's.' But he says that he's looking forward to the men's 100 metre finals.

More if we get it. Maybe. It may happen. It may not.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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