New USDA Food Guide Condemning America's Cannibals to Slow Starvation
Washington - Cannibals testifying before Congress today criticized the Obama Administrations recent change from the decade old food pyramid to the new MyPyramid. With much fanfare, the USDA recently retired the old Food Guide Pyramid and replaced...
Read full storyNaughty Elephant On Trail
An elephant at London Zoo will go on trail today for being very naughty as many people report that he shouted nasty things from his zoo cage. Eye witness accounts say the things he said were "Very offensive" and that they "Were very offended by it...
Read full storyLord Nonce in Royal Ascot punch up with Pikey
Lord Humphrey Nonce QC was left cursing his bad luck at Royal Ascot yesterday. The 'Sporting Judge', who part owns a leg of the game filly Kinky Afro, watched as the nag pulled up short in The Buckingham Palace Stakes over 7 Furlongs. With the...
Read full storyNasty Party
Conservative MP Philip Davies has suggested disabled people should offer to be paid less than the minimum wage in order to give them a chance of getting jobs which would otherwise go to able bodied people. A sliding scale of disabilities has been...
Read full storyMrs Horner, mother of Little Jack Horner, is completely frustrated with education system
Big Mary Horner, mother of Little Jack Horner, has critised the Devonshire educational establishment for putting obstacles in the way of her son's progression through school. Following many other councils, Devon has recently brought in a celebrity...
Read full storyJohn Edwards auctions off his haircut to pay his legal bills; Trump, Giuliani and Gaga drive up the bidding on eBay
Former presidential candidate, senator and adulterer John Edwards is offering his famous haircut to the highest bidder. Edwards, whose 2008 presidential run ended in scandal, was widely criticized for carrying on an affair with a campaign consulta...
Read full storyBrit Hooligans at Royal Ascot threaten the Queen!
Royal Ascot normally an event reserved for High-society, Arsitocrats, Royalty and stupid hats turned into a massive brawl yesterday as champagne bottles not only were drunk, they were also used as weapons at 200 quid a bottle. The event saw a new...
Read full story'Coming Soon!' - Another Ice Age!
Scientists at the US National Solar Observatory issued a warning this week that our Sun appears to be heading towards another 'Maunder Minimum' - a period between 1645-1715 when there was an almost complete absence of sunspots. That was also the peri...
Read full storyFluorescent Japanese bees 'flying in UFO-shaped formation'
Fukushima - Is it a bird, is it a plane...or is it a luminescent mutant bee swarm mimicking a UFO? The strange aerial formation was spotted high above Fukushima's tsunami-ravaged nuclear power complex during Wednesday's eclipsed full moon penumbra...
Read full storyAfter Throwing Weiner Under the Bus, Obama Throws Him A Bone: "I'm Sure Anthony Will Pop Back up Soon!"
Just when you thought Weinergate was going to fade away, along comes President Obama who all but guarantees A. Weiner will be back in politics as soon as he "comes to grips with his little personal problem!" It was obvious with his televised remar...
Read full storyTakwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, both of Cargo Fleet Middlesbrough, speak of Scarlet Spoofer sighting in Middlesbrough
Takwana Smiith and Anitakapita Jones spoke out about a possible sighting of the Scarlet Spoofer but their story has a surprise ending. Apparently, Anitakapita was 'staying over' at Takwana's house after having downed a few too many at the 'Jack an...
Read full storyRestaurant owners tired of having to serve 'dirty diners'
Owners of Restaurants are getting in touch with the Health Department as they are tired of having to serve dirty customers. Restaurants are inspected regularly, and closed down, if they fail to maintain a clean environment. Restaurant owners are...
Read full storyRyan Giggs sex headline helps Rochdale man get his false teeth in
A newspaper headline about Ryan Giggs' sex life has helped a man in Rochdale ease his false teeth in. Pensioner Albert Nonce, 69, has been complaining for months to anyone who would listen that his dentures were "playing up". But after reading...
Read full storyLiverpool's unlucky 13 to open academy
Liverpool's unlucky 13, a group of highly paid but rarely seen players that includes Christian Poulson and Joe Cole, have joined together to create the world's first football academy for bench players and no hopers. The Winston Bogarde Football Ac...
Read full storySelena Gomez Denies The Rumors That She Is Pregnant
BEVERLY HILLS - Selena Gomez recently had her hair styled at FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. While she was there she was asked by Tequila Tallyho of Left Coast Mirror Magazine about the rumor that was circulating...
Read full storyPop Star PINK Changes Name to GREEN
PINK had always loved her name; but after the birth of her daughter, Willow Sage Hart (proud dad is PINK's hubby Carey Hart, a motocross racer), she decided a change was warranted. "It's been nothing but pink baby outfits, pink cards, and pink f...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Will Be Appearing In An Episode of 'Cake Boss'
LOS ANGELES - Kirstie Alley took second place on Dancing With The Stars, but the 60-year-old dancing diva says that she plans to make up for it when she appears on an episode of The Cake Boss. Buddy Valastro, The Cake Boss called up Kirstie and in...
Read full storyWeiner Pops Out of Rehab to Say 'Goodbye', Scene Looks Like Jerry Springer Show!
Liberal Democrats breathed a sigh of relief today after Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner was 'released' from rehab long enough to announce his resignation and thank his parents, his wife, his constituents his office staff, his congressional fr...
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