Say G'night Mate! Scott and Williams Put Tiger's Lights Out by 18 Strokes!
Adam Scott the affable Aussie and New Zealand caddie Stevie Williams put "paid" to Tiger Woods' come back hopes as the dynamic duo blew away the field in Akron, Ohio with a 4 stroke victory that was never in doubt! A confidant Scott, appearin...
Read full storyWinston Churchill Arrives to Save the United States from Itself
Washington, DC - The White House, earlier today, confirmed that the ghost of Winston Churchill would take over the US Congress. Exit polls taken after the announcement conclude that Americans over the age of 40 are excited. The younger generations...
Read full storyNani Batters Bitter Bertie Bluenoses - United 3 City 2
Happy days today for the Bitters at Wembley in the Community Shield game against the dreaded Rags, as City took a two goal lead, courtesy of Jeleon Lescott and Edin Dzeko. Happy days until half time. "I seen 'em at Wembley on the telly," United...
Read full storyCriminals to have their sentences stretched!
Following the recent misunderstandings in Tottenham, North London, the government is to consider bringing forward changes designed to increase the amount of prison places available. The new system, thought up by High Court judge Sir Henry Parsnip-Bro...
Read full storyPresident Barack Obama - The Graying of An American President
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Political pundits are all in accord in one presidential area and that is that President Obama's hair seems to be getting grayer by the month. And if the controversies that he has faced in July are any indication of what is to co...
Read full storyMan United's David De Gea - The New Jim Leighton
With Manchester United two goals down to arch rivals, Manchester City, with goals from Joleon Lescott and Edin Dzeko at half time in the Community Shield at Wembley, comparisons are already being made between new goalkeeper, David DeGea and Jim Leigh...
Read full storyHarry Redknapp's vocabulary looted in Tottenham riots
Harry Redknapp's vocabulary has been looted and left for brown bread by tea leaves during the Tottenham riots. "The toe rags have half inched all my favourite words" said a down in the north and south 'Arry. Bundles of expressions, a collecti...
Read full storyA Rough Guide to Different Types of Music
JAZZ: Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes. BLUES: Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning. WORLD MUSIC: A dozen different types of percussion all going at once. OPERA: People singing when they should be talking. RAP: People talking when they should be singing. CLASSICAL: Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad. FOLK: Endless songs...
Read full storyFilm round-up
This week, three huge blockbuster films are released, to the great excitement of those of you who enjoy sitting in darkened rooms listening to the sound of other people munching popcorn. First up, there's "Captain America", which features the eponymous hero and his sidekick Canada-boy, as they travel the world beating up foreigners. One particular highlight is when the evil Mr Mexico gets eaten...
Read full storyEconomic Disaster Spreads! Bear Market Set to Consume Norway!
Recent global unrest and the impending crash of the world economy has now reached to Norway, one of the World's richest nations, home to 4.5 million Striking Vikings, who live very well, thank you, courtesy of North Sea oil resources. "It's the at...
Read full storySpokesperson for the Duchess Of Cambridge Hits Back At Kelly Osbourne Criticism
A spokesman for The Duchess of Cambridge has hit back at criticism from Kelly Osborne about recycling her fabulous dresses. The spokesman is said to have asked "What planet is Kelly Osborne living on? I work with some of the most out of touch p...
Read full storyWatered Down Beer to be Introduced for Kids!
The British pint of beer is to be watered down from October this year. The watery pints will mostly be selling in the pubs and bars of Britain where the majority of customers are under 25 years of age, though all pubs are to be encouraged by the gove...
Read full storyYanks Skint - Britain Turns To China For A Sub
The USA, once the world's most powerful nation, is now skint, boracic, on the bones of its arse, and on the verge of appealing to Bob Geldof, Midge Ure and Bono to stage a benefit gig for them at the Nou Camp in Barcelona. Which leaves Britain in...
Read full storyLondon's Burning - Tottenham In Flames - Where's Boris And 'Do Nothing' Dave?
In the year before the flagship olympic games, London lies in flames. Tottenham burns...again... Is it any surprise that buses and businesses were burned out following a protest about the shooting of a man on Thursday by the Metropolitan Police?...
Read full storyRock Climbing- A Sport For Those Who Already Have Rocks In Their Heads
Life is not interesting enough for some people so they come up with sports like rock climbing to compensate for it. Rock climbing is the sport where people (many of whom have not fully advanced on the scale of total human evolution and still possess more of the simian attributes for climbing and not to mention are hairy as well) climb up rocks (ie. BIG rocks like MOUNTAINS) on skimpy ropes that re...
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