Film round-up

Written by MonkeyInTheBath

Sunday, 7 August 2011


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Cinemas are now the world's favourite place to dine out

This week, three huge blockbuster films are released, to the great excitement of those of you who enjoy sitting in darkened rooms listening to the sound of other people munching popcorn.

First up, there's "Captain America", which features the eponymous hero and his sidekick Canada-boy, as they travel the world beating up foreigners. One particular highlight is when the evil Mr Mexico gets eaten by a giant taco machine. If you enjoy casual racism and national stereotypes, this will suit you perfectly.

Next, there's "Rise of the Planet of Aping", about a group of monkeys in charge of a film studio who run out of ideas. The apes decide to rehash a load of films from the 1970s but with slightly better special effects, because young people will not have seen the original and won't be able to sit through the entire film moaning, "This is shit! The original was much better!" This film is itself a rip-off of the 1970s low-budget classic "Remake!"

Alternatively, you might consider watching "Harry Potter and the Last Milking of the Chumps", which will probably be the final film in the hugely successful series. There are rumours that another film may be made, especially if JK Rowling decides she needs another couple of billion, what with the financial crisis and everything.

So, wherever you are, make sure you watch a film at the cinema, because there really is nothing better to do with your time.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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