London's Burning - Tottenham In Flames - Where's Boris And 'Do Nothing' Dave?

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Sunday, 7 August 2011


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Tottenham - Business As Usual

In the year before the flagship olympic games, London lies in flames. Tottenham burns...again...

Is it any surprise that buses and businesses were burned out following a protest about the shooting of a man on Thursday by the Metropolitan Police?

Or is it just Tottenham again?

London Mayor, Boris Johnson, conspicuous by his absence, and even Prime Minister, David 'Do Nothing Dave' Cameron were nowhere to be seen, much less to comment.

To anyone familiar with Tottenham, none of this news comes as a surprise.

Our correspondent, local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a frequent visitor to Tottenham over the years as a football fan, had this to say:

"Tottenham's rough. It looks okay on the surface, but there's a deep underlying hostility, and a seriously aggressive attitude. It isn't the kind of place you'd want to make a fuss in. Even when you're in a 10,000 strong Red Army crew. There's an edge there that you don't even get at places like West Ham and Millwall. I can't believe that Boris Johnson and Do Nothing Dave are keeping schtum about the bother in the High Road...they're quick to take the credit when the going's good, but when the shit hits the fan, they're nowhere to be seen. Quelle surprise. Funny how this always seems to happen under a Conservative government when it flexes its austerity muscle. Is it true that Wesley Sneijder is going to Citeh?"

Spurs boss, Harry Redknapp was sound asleep, and thus unable to comment, but with 80,000 football fans en route to the capital from the Manchester area today, it looks like being a busy day for the Metropolitan Police.

A spokesman for London Transport reported that their bus was "well and truly fucked."

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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