Amy Winehouse Brought Back to Life By Crack Pipe - Police Warn Over Superhuman Crack Zombie Epidemic in London inc. Karl Marx & Queen Victoria
Spoof news sites are being condemned and politicians are calling for an investigation after a recent fake story inspired a bunch of bored crack addicts to successfully bring Amy Winehouse back to life, which has baffled scientists and experts. Police...
Read full storyFearne Cotton 'Just Not Sexy Any More' Laments Local Radio DJ Bongo Jamstrangler
Popular local radio DJ, Bongo Jamstrangler, of the 'Breakfast With Bongo!' radio show, on Shyte FM, today launched an astonishing attack on Radio One DJ and TV Personality, Fearne Cotton, by stating that she's just not sexy any more. Jamstrangler...
Read full storyConfused Bachmann fakes headaches
Washington--Michele Bachmann came clean on the Migraine issues that caused a few pundits, people at Fair and Balanced News, to question her abilities as president. "The Migraines aren't real. I started faking Migraines back in 1989, when I was wo...
Read full storySteve Jobs happy to rid self of geek image
Steve Jobs is sick of being labeled a geek,so he resigned as CEO of Apple and turned in his keys to the Oracle that told him to create all the products that made Apple a market force for stuff consumers didn't know they needed. The new CEO of App...
Read full storyThe Tedious Tendency Of Male Toilet Tinkling.
Looking at it objectively, most inventions in the world were created by men. This is not a put down, it is simply the way it is. With one exception, however. That exception is the toilet. The toilet has to have been invented by women. It is simply impossible that a man could have invented it. Men to this day still do not know how to use them properly. They do not seem to know how to flush them.
Read full storyiToast4 launch delayed
The much anticipated iToast4 has been delayed due to a legal wrangle with the Dyson Cyclonic Toaster. The iToast4 was meant to be the smartest, most useful, stylish toaster ever to make bread darker. "It should have been the best thing since sl...
Read full storyHarry Redknapp 'Wary' Of Shamrock Rovers
Spurs boss, Harry Redknapp, is apparently a bit wary of Irish lionhearts, Shamrock Rovers, after the two sides were grouped together in the Europa League, along with Russian outfit Rubin Kazan, and PAOK Athens. From Greece. Shamrock Rovers are...
Read full storyNew York "could be destroyed" by high winds
The Mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg, has called for citizens to panic in expectation of the arrival of Hurricane Irene in the next few hours. In a televised statement to the public today, in which he was clearly shaking, the Mayor said that N...
Read full storyCher Lloyd Offered £5 Million FFSSU Contract
Following hot on the heels of her worldwide smash hit, 'Swagger Jagger' former X-Factor contestant, Cher Lloyd - described by schoolmates as 'a rat-faced pikey bully' has been offered £5 million to for fuck's sake shut up! An FFSSU spokeswoman tol...
Read full storyTotal Wipeout Returns - Praise For BBC From TV Repair Man
Viewers throughout the UK were eagerly anticipating the return of two quality Saturday programmes today. Season six of Doctor Who was scheduled to resume after its US-style mid-season break. But, more importantly, Total Wipeout was set to return w...
Read full story'Carol Vorderman - Fit As A Butcher's Dog At Fifty!' Reports The Daily Mail
Upmarket British tabloid, The Daily Mail, has recently reported that former Countdown maths whizz, Carol Vorderman, is still as fit as a butcher's dog at fifty, and ran a series of pictures on its website to prove it. Unfortunately, none of them f...
Read full storyAlways Look On The Bright side Of Life - Mugabe Message To Gaddafi
As reports come in that former Libyan leader, Colonel Muammar Gadaffi has successfully escaped to Zimbabwe, witnesses report that Zimbabwean president, Robert Mugabe has told Gaddafi to keep his pecker up and always look on the bright side of life.
Read full storyLibyan with dreadful David Essex barnet sought in 1984 WPC shooting case
London - The bouffant back-combed tresses probably kept their bounce and shine through daily indulgence with the Head N Shoulders a Met Police trichologist said today as images of the suspect were posted online. UK media sites named the alleged cu...
Read full storySusan Powell scandal proves to have too many names for old folks to follow
HARFOLD, Vermont--At Harfold Health and Rehab Center, the elderly inhabitants enjoy a good scandal like anybody. But just as many senior citizens don't care for books and movies with a multitude of characters, it seems they need a scandal with very f...
Read full storyFergie Sends Huge Kebab Order To Ali Bullo Ahead Of Man United Arsenal Clash
Kebab, burger and pizza entrepreneur, Ali Bullo, revealed today that Sir Alex Ferguson has placed a huge and highly lucrative order for two hundred extra large doner, one hundred chicken shish, one hundred and twenty five lamb sish, and seventy six k...
Read full storyGet a rigid digit in a minute
This is the new theme from RAMPANT PHARMACEUTICALS for their latest stiffening pill RIGID. They claim that Viagra abd Cialis are kid's stuff and guarantee the one 10 mg pill of RIGID will remain effective for 6 hours! Side effects include singing in your sleep, "I'm lovin it," in English and "Bonga Bonga Bonga," in Swahili. The secret formula for RIGID is shrouded in time. Many relig...
Read full storyHurricane Alert in Cornwall
A Hurricane over the Isles of Silly is on course for the mainland of Britain. Nothing else matters in the world and waves can be seen in the English channel. An order has gone out to everyone living in Cornwall and Devon to move immediately to Fra...
Read full storyCops slam 'elaborate' Canterbury hoax
Kent - Suspicious devices including a 'fake' crozier, plastic mitre and draylon liturgical vestments were found on a railway line in the Old Dover Road area around teatime yesterday. Police said all the clues pointed to the return of the bogus Arc...
Read full storyMass Murderers not jailed due to looters taking their places
In news that is bound to scandalise the Daily Mail, it has been revealed that if rioters are imprisoned in the way that they have been, soon proper, hardened criminals may be let back out onto the streets, as prisons are nearly full to bursting. J...
Read full storyI am not penalising the poor, actually, says Cameron
A man who has married into a multi million pound fortune as well as being worth a fair amount of money himself has said that he has nothing against the poor, actually. Prime Minister David 'Happy Shiny Man of the People' Cameron told a stunned Hou...
Read full storyJordan paid more not to release her planned album
The nation's favourite former wife of Peter Andre, Jordan is said to be in talks about her new album. The planned release, which will feature Ms Price singing the songs of Jedward, Rod, Jane and Freddy, Shania Twain, and Megadeth in a way that is...
Read full storyLetters To The Editor - From Disgruntled Employees
Dear Editor, To any readers who think their boss is ruthless, they ought to meet mine. The man is an absolute tyrant. He makes no bones about pointing out my, or my colleagues' shortcomings, and has even been known to scream abuse into people's faces. And what's even worse is that his breath frequently smells of chewing gum and a nice Chianti. This man's behaviour is positively Dickensian. He's...
Read full storyEmma Stone Responds To Jim Carrey's Complimentary Video Tribute
LOS ANGELES - Jim Carrey sat in front of his computer and professed his attraction, admiration, and desire for the star of the motion picture The Help, Emma Stone. Carrey, who at 49, is 27 years older than 22-year-old Stone told her that he has se...
Read full storyThe Sucking Pit - By Guy N Smith - A Critical Commentry By Skoob1999
Introduction Hello there. Some people reading this will know who I am, or at least have heard of me, and some won't. A bit like real life really. Anyway, to cut a long story short, some years ago I came across an author named Guy N Smith, and quickly became a fan. Mr Smith wrote a series of bizarre horror novels for New English Library, and churned them out at a phenomenal rate, quite freque...
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