Written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 27 August 2011

image for Fearne Cotton 'Just Not Sexy Any More' Laments Local Radio DJ Bongo Jamstrangler
You're Listening To Breakfast With Bongo, And Here's My Special Guest, The Incredibly Daunting Fearne Cotton...

Popular local radio DJ, Bongo Jamstrangler, of the 'Breakfast With Bongo!' radio show, on Shyte FM, today launched an astonishing attack on Radio One DJ and TV Personality, Fearne Cotton, by stating that she's just not sexy any more.

Jamstrangler said that he used to be an avid fan of the husky voiced strawberry blonde, mainly on account of her husky voice, her long legs, and her pert lady bumpers.

But all that changed when he saw her on TV show 'Celebrity Juice' with Keith Lemon.

Jamstrangler complained:

"Fearne's just too mature these days. I mean, she's still pretty fit and that, but she's quite sharp too. That's not a good combination in a woman. I mean, there's nothing worse than lecherously staring down at some woman's cleavage, than having her come out with a cutting remark about what a pervert you are. She did that to me at the Brit awards in front of Russell Brand and Katy Perry. I was mortified. She's no longer sexy in my eyes. She's way too much of a loose cannon. Personally, I prefer the type of woman who settles for two halves of lager, a happy meal, then keeps her gob shut, lies back and thinks of England. Keep it simple. That's why Fearne isn't sexy any more - she's too bloody stroppy. She probably makes demands in the boudoir too. And that's just not on."

Bongo Jamstrangler is scheduled to interview Fearne Cotton live, via mobile phone connection on 'Breakfast With Bongo!' on Shyte FM on September 11th, but he says he's a little bit nervous, in case she comes over as being a proper woman. He says that he isn't at all sure he could handle that. Whereas Fearne, being a modern, independent woman, could probably handle anything he could toss at her.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Radio, Sexy, DJ, Fearne Cotton

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
53 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more