David Garrard named "Athlete of the Year" by Crohn's Disease Monthly
JACKSONVILLE, FL-Though his team will be watching the playoffs at home, Jaguars quarterback David Garrard was able to enter the off-season with his head held high, capturing Crohn's Disease Monthly's coveted "Athlete of the Year" honor for a record f...
Read full storyPresident Cuckolded on Christmas Eve
Maui, Hawaii -- President Barack Obama returned last Christmas Eve from an arduous and disappointing day on the Powder Beach Golf Course to his secluded twenty-room villa in Kailua Town, only to find that Tiger Woods was scoring a hole-in-one with hi...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Finds An Image of Simon Cowell On Her English Muffin
LONDON - Over the years people have claimed to have seen all kinds of images of famous people on various food items. There have been reports of individuals finding images of the Virgin Mary on Hostess Twinkies, Joan of Arc on a corn flake, and Br...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, And Amy Winehouse To Perform On 47-City U.S. - U.K. Tour
LOS ANGELES - The On The Road Again Concert Promoters Agency of Pasadena, California has just informed the music media that Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and Amy Winehouse have all agreed to a 47-city concert tour of the United States and the United Kin...
Read full storyJK Rowling 'most entertaining KGB hoax of the decade'
London - (Philosphers Stoned): Serial children's fiction plagiarist JK Rowling has been named the most entertaining security intelligence diversion of the decade according to a Pole in today's Daily Broadshiite. A Mr Lech Walesa II is quoted as sa...
Read full storyGang Kills People For Their Fat!
A gang has been arrested overseas that have been charged with harvesting the body fat of human beings and selling them for cosmetics. Police told UP2 that the gang used the jungle there to hide out after kidnapping fat people who are never seen again...
Read full storyX-Factor Winner Joe McElderry To Record A Duet With Sir Paul McCartney
LIVERPOOL, England - Joe McElderry was in Liverpool visiting his maternal grandmother Effie Chipinham when he received a phone call asking him what he thought about Paul McCartney saying that he wanted to record a song with him. Joe appeared stunn...
Read full storyFerguson Fumes at the Fu*+!ng Ref
Manchester United supremo Sir Alex Ferguson was left fuming at the referee following his team's shock exit in the FA Cup to one time rivals Leeds United. Five minutes additional time was awarded by the fourth official, but Ferguson fumed "there sh...
Read full story"Operation Send in the Clowns" aims to win hearts, scare crap out of Afghans
Kabul, Afghanistan - US Military Forces have announced a new phase of the surge strategy in Afghanistan, code named "Send in the Clowns". Under this strategy the US will send the 32nd Clown Expeditionary Force into the country to win the hearts of Af...
Read full storyDallas Cheerleaders Will Now Be Wearing Bikini Thongs Instead of Short Shorts
DALLAS - It has been announced that due to the thousands of emails, text messages, and phone calls that he has been receiving lately, a top football team decided to drop the cheerleaders standard white short shorts and replace them with white bikini...
Read full storyThree Reported Missing After Animal Rights Activists Take "War on Leather" to Motorcycle Gang Rally.
Johnstown, PA: Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weeke...
Read full story'Back In The USA' by The Beatles rereleased
As the USA is a gift to the world's satirists, The Beatles today rereleased their 'White Album' song 'Back In The USA': 'Flew in from Miami Beach BOAC Didn't get to sleep last night On the way I kept an eye on my neighbours' bags Man, I had a chicken shit flight I'm back in the USA You don't now how childish you are, folks Back in the USA Been away so long I almost grew up Gee, it's...
Read full storyLeeds Utd stuff Man Utd and "Fergy" cries all the way home, even his Rolex stopped!
Sir Alex Ferguson was inconsolable as he burst out of Old Trafford in a rage after losing in the FA Cup to lowly Leeds Utd today. He kicked the cleaning lady, Roonie's Ferrari, threw a thermos flask at the groundsman, binned his golden Rolex, stuc...
Read full storyWilliam Shatner Arrested By Bathroom Police
Popular actor William Shatner was arrested on two charges this morning at the Los Angeles Airport by the Bathroom Police after spending more than 45 minutes in there. "The Governor, Mr. Schwarzenegger, told us to arrest anybody who stayed in the b...
Read full storyReality Town, Twilight Series In The Works
Reality TV producers are planning a new series based on the Washington state town where the Twilight films are set, according to a tip received by two of our UP2 reporters. We checked some recent bits and it appears to be true and is already in the p...
Read full storyLondon Bridge is Falling Down
Unconfirmed reports have predicted the collapse of one of London's most legendary constructions. Groups of local human children have been spreading rumours about the imminent destruction of London Bridge. "London Bridge is falling down, Falli...
Read full storyHealth and Smafety
Shock has spread to the streets of Wales today after last nights tragic events leading to the death of Dolly the hooker. The tragedy unfolded when Dolly's client requested her to put a condom on with her mouth, a trick she well famed for amongst the...
Read full storyErroneous Fusion
In rural areas, sex education is free of charge; boys and girls learn all they need to know about sex before they walk. For instance, in horse-breeding farms, the excitement reaches a climax when a clumsy stallion misses the orifice and desperately needs a Homo sapiens' hand. The thrill reaches its height when a female worker is asked to grip the male organ like a jet black baseball bat to facilit...
Read full storyFrosty The Snowman Lives Longer
Frosty the Snowman is living longer this year because of all the frost and snow in various parts of the world which has been lying longer this year due to the very long cold spell we have been having. "Every year in winter time I am regenerated li...
Read full storyGlobal Warming Hits The UK!
Forecasters Warn Of A Freezing January - Britain's freezing Arctic weather is expected to continue well into January, forecasters have warned. Temperatures are not likely to get much above 0C across many areas of the country over the next 10 days...
Read full storyPlanet X seen on Xmas day
A whistleblower at NASA claims that they have discovered planet X or Nibiru and have calculated that it is heading our way. Scientists at NASA claim that Planet X showed up clearly on Xmas day on various powerful telescopes throughout the World bu...
Read full storyFans Angry Foreign Student Athletes Just Coming to Campus to Learn
Indianapolis, Indiana- The NCAA is facing criticism from college sports fans that foreign student athletes are coming to American college's primarily to get an education they couldn't afford otherwise. A recent NCAA survey found that most foreign stu...
Read full storyNew Game Wii Handyman Introduced
Fresh off the success of the Wii Fit which simulates sports such as snow boarding, ski jumping and kitten chasing based on an interactive stand-on platform, Wii Handyman is the latest offering on the cards at next months Asia-Pacific technology fair.
Read full storyFirst BigOil&Gas Bank of Rodeo Drive Opening Soon
Beverly Hills - (Upstream Gal!): The reclusive billionaire couple who own 85% of Chevron Corp and 72% of ExxonMobil are relocating their sovereign hydrocarbons fund to a new Rodeo Drive shopfront. First BigOil&Gas Bank of Rodeo Drive will be c...
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