O'Shea To Barcelona Shocker
John O'Shea has shocked Manchester United by admitting to respected German newspaper Wunter Under Meijer that his head has been turned by interest from Barcelona. The Catalan club's need for a new turnstile has been well-publicised in...
Read full storyRonaldinho is interested in Manchester City job
The once famed Brazilian football drinking legend has confirmed in the press that he wishes to pursue his new career move to Manchester City.
Read full storyAborigines have bone to pick with Scotland
A dispute has broken out between aboriginal tribes in Australia and a gang of Gorbals Diehards in Glasgow. The Scots are claiming that they have physical, living evidence that they are the original Neanderthal men who have always inh...
Read full storyPope paranoid that women bishops would demand tampax dispensers in Vatican
Rome - (Preposterous Mess): "Prick us and do we not bleed?" was the official statement from the Pontifical Orifice for Demonizing Women's Ordination today.
Read full storyDozens of Victoria Cross recipients hounded by Opus Dei rentboy Mosley
London - (Squalid Mess): Sinister self-flagellation nutters' club Opus Dei has its ass in a sling again.
Read full storyRed Hot Sex Now Dividing New York Yankees' Superstar A-Rod and Gorgeous Blond Trophy Wife, Cynthia
It sounds awfully familiar, but yesterday, Superstar New York Yankees' third baseman, Alex Rodriguez, known by all as A-Rod, claimed, "I did not have sex with that woman." But this time, it was unequivocal, as opposed to ex-President Cl...
Read full storyCheney Shoots Self in Face. Face Will Not Press Charges.
Cheyenne, WY - Vice President Cheney shot himself in the face today while hunting pheasant southeast of Cheyenne. The injury is not life threatening, doctors say, but will result in facial scaring and the need to wear an eye-patch, which, according t...
Read full storyFootball declared as the National Sport of Ireland
Football (No Irish lad would say Soccer) has been finally officially declared the national sport of Ireland.
Read full storyEngland to be knocked out of 2010 World Cup
'England will be certainly knocked out of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa' that's according to FIFA president Septic Bladder.
Read full storyOn The Buses 'Never Existed' Shock Claim
In a shock statement almost akin to Holocaust denials, Dr Duncan Biscuits of the Media Institute Cleckheaton stated yesterday that popular TV 1970s farce 'On the Buses' never existed.
Read full storySuits Of Armour Go On Sale In Harrods
The shocking rise of Knife Crime in Britain is having a direct effect on the retail sector, it has been claimed, with world-famous Harrods of London being the first retailer to introduce Suits of Armour in its Autum...
Read full storyDoktor Helmut Vildebeest's guide to relationships
My name iz Doktor Helmut Vildebeest and over ze next few weeks, vith help from mein faithful assistant Inglestraad Blunderbusse, I vill be teaching you all about ze very important topic of ze adult relationships.
Read full storyOrigin of "Cock-block" discovered
Science weekly - Scientists unearthed last week what they believed to be the origin of the first ever "cock-block". The remains of 3 "cavemen like" individuals where found near the Euphrates river in the Middle East. One was found...
Read full storyEx-hostage says others in danger
One of the American Hostages released recently from the FARC, a revolutionary group in Columbia, is concerned for his former friends and still hostages.
Read full storyIndigestion, Technical Problems Prevent G8 Zimbabwe Resolution
United States President George W. Bush has now said that he was suffering from indigestion when he accidentally conflated Zimbabwe and the Democratic Republic of the Congo in his Monday speech before the Group of Eight industrialized nations.
Read full storyCell phones, matches, lighters and camers help with Wimbledon ending
Rafael Nadal halted Roger Federer's Wimbledon winning streak at five and became the first Spaniard to win tennis' most coveted trophy since 1966. Yesterday's final was the longest championship in the history of the tournament lasted 4 hou...
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