Local Restaurant Pick-up Place For Geriatric Set
DURHAM NC- Earl, winner of last week's flatulence contest, is smiling over the brim of his coffee cup as he eyes Sally. He winks at her, she smiles warmly as her dentures pop out of her mouth. Then, he grabs hold of his walker and limps over to h...
Read full storyBolton to try Ratzinger topless initiative to raise flagging profile
New York, New York - (Associated Mess): Embattled US Ambassador to the UN John Bolton is believed to be seeking PR advice on the merits of launching his own Pontifical-style topless calendar to raise his limp public profile following Republican Mid-t...
Read full storyKate Moss blamed for Global Warming
Kate Moss was singled out as the main cause of global warming at a meeting yesterday. World leaders united to blame the 32-year-old coke-snorting model for recent changes in environmental weather patterns, which they say could have been avoided if Mo...
Read full storyLabour sperm donors probe: Sainsbury quits
London - (ReUterus): That catchy company slogan 'Try something new today' echoed whistfully in his ears this morning as UK Science Minister and top Labour Party sperm donor Lord Sainsbury was booted out of office following the Met Police'...
Read full storyGod Announces He is No Longer Taking Positions on Sporting Events
VATICAN CITY - God announced today that He will cease immediately taking a position on specific sporting events, including the baseball, football and basketball play-offs, or even the World Cup. The announcement came directly as a "Word from Go...
Read full storyMI5 monitoring MI5 activity
MI5 has announced it is monitoring the notorious organisation known as MI5. "We have over five thousand employees, and we suspect every single one of them, from outrages and sabotage, to spilling coffee on the Ministers' crotch."...
Read full storyBritney Spears Disconsolate over Divorce Holds Hollywood Celebrity Christmas Food & Fun Event
HOLLYWOOD -- Britney Spears, still disconsolate over the dissolution of her marriage to Kevin Federline, has decided not to wallow in her sorrow but to go to work for the betterment of the world, especially its lesser beings, says Lynne Spears, Britn...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to Adopt Britney Spears' Kids
LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- After the uproar raised over Madonna's adoption of 13-month old David from the impoverished country of Malawi, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have abandoned their plan of adopting an Indian baby and instead have filed to adopt...
Read full storyGovernment Finally Notices Vermont Secession
White House Press Secretary Tony Snow today reported to the press that the state of Vermont actually seceded from the Union three years ago.
Read full storyAfrican-Americans Control Washington Post: Now it Must Be Told
WASHINGTON - The Washington Post disclosed today that it is run by African-Americans, dispelling rumors that its top leadership is Caucasian. The latest installment of its series, "Being a Black Man," features first hand accounts of how th...
Read full storyBush Refuses to Pardon Thanksgiving Turkey: Condemns "Terrorist" Bird To Death
WASHINGTON -- President Bush prepared to grant the traditional pardon to a gift turkey at the White House yesterday, but abruptly condemned the bird to death, accusing it of terrorism.
Read full story60 Minutes Anchor Ed Bradley Dies at 65
Ed Bradley, reporter for the CBS Newsmagazine 60 minutes, passed away due to complications from leukemia. Bradley had been with the show for over 25 years and was the only reporter to interview Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh before his executi...
Read full storyDenise Richards Throws Laptops, Hits Old Ladies
Actress Denise Richards, estranged wife of actor and Hollywood Bad Boy Charlie Sheen, is in trouble in Canada. Richards, while trying to escape from media in British Columbia, threw two laptop computers that struck two little old ladies.
Read full story