Denise Richards Throws Laptops, Hits Old Ladies

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Friday, 10 November 2006


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image for Denise Richards Throws Laptops, Hits Old Ladies
Artist's rendition of Dustybottom's ordeal

Actress Denise Richards, estranged wife of actor and Hollywood Bad Boy Charlie Sheen, is in trouble in Canada. Richards, while trying to escape from media in British Columbia, threw two laptop computers that struck two little old ladies.

The women had mixed reactions to the incident. One, 80 year old Millie Dustybottom, was upset by the incident. "Doesn't that young whippersnapper girl realize she could have killed someone? She slung one of them fancy schmantzy little computer thingies at me and it could have taken my head off. Why, all the radiation those things leak could have scarred me for life or left me sterile. I mighta died or something worse. It could have put my eye out."

The other lady, 82 year old Hardy Feisty, was also upset, but for different reasons. "A three year old notebook! A three year old, out of date, dinosaur computer without a Pentium and no updated Windows! A computer without any games or even Microsoft excel or word! What kind of piece of crap machine was that stupid little tart giving away! If I wanted a cheap, junky computer, I'd have gone to Wal-Mart and bought one of theirs."

Richards, star of Drop Dead Gorgeous and forever a Bond girl, was upset by her actions. "I'm really, really sorry that I hit those women. I was trying to aim at the reporters, who kept asking me questions about my soon to be ex husband and our sex lives. If I could have hurt them, I would have! I didn't mean to hit the two women. I know that they were just fans wanting my autograph."

"Autograph!" said Hardy Feisty. "I didn't want her autograph! I was pressing into the crowd to squeeze me some reporter butts. Them nice, young, strong, virile reporters with their tight little behinds never notice when you give 'em a squeeze in the crowd. When you're my age, that's about all the excitement you can get! The old men all take their viagra and then chase after all the young tramps in the bars, and don't give us a second look! The tramps go after them because they think that they'll sex 'em to death and bury 'em in a year and get all their money. I was there for butt grabbing and all I got was some old, cheap computer!"

When asked if she was there for an autograph, Millie Dustybottom replied that "I was on my way to the church to play bingo and minding my own business when that new fangled gadget came flying out of the air and tried to kill me! There ought to be a law! I got this scratch on my head and didn't have a chance to try to win back the money for my cat food. That rich, snooty girl who can't throw better make good for me!"

When asked about the incident, Charlis Sheen said that "at least she wasn't throwing at me this time!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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