Britney Spears Disconsolate over Divorce Holds Hollywood Celebrity Christmas Food & Fun Event

Written by Douglas Salguod

Friday, 10 November 2006

image for Britney Spears Disconsolate over Divorce Holds Hollywood Celebrity Christmas Food & Fun Event
Preparations for the Turkey shoot already underway

HOLLYWOOD -- Britney Spears, still disconsolate over the dissolution of her marriage to Kevin Federline, has decided not to wallow in her sorrow but to go to work for the betterment of the world, especially its lesser beings, says Lynne Spears, Britney's mother.

In an interview with the E! Online, Lynne Spears explained how the Christmastime event will work. "Here's the way the charity fund-raising event will work. We're calling it Brit's Funtime Rodeo Extravaganza," said Mrs. Spears.

"Brit's calling in all her chits with every actor, actress, model and rock star she knows, and she's going to rope them in to participate along with fans who will pay to play with the stars they adore," said Spears.

"Brit wants something that will harken back to her childhood days in rural Louisiana -- so she's going to hold it in rural Louisiana -- in her hometown of Kentwood. It'll sorta be like Dollywood only it'll be more real and it'll just last for one afternoon.

"Some the events we're planning include a real Turkey Shoot, where fans and stars will team together to shoot live turkeys, then will get to deep fry them and take them home for eating later.

"Brit also plans a Greased Pig Race, where the contestants will try to capture pigs slathered in bacon grease. The team that grabs the most wins. The winners will get to slaughter the pigs and turn them into bacon grease. Isn't that funny? Later, we'll have BLT's and barbecue.

"The night will be capped with Donkey Rodeo where we will simulate an actual rodeo using only donkeys: donkey roping, donkey barrel jumping and, of course, riding the bucking donkey. Burrs under the saddle will keep them frisky," said Spears.

The Extravaganza will be held on the vacant lot next to the Kentwood Livestock Kitchen, which along with the Bamboo Catfish & Steak House, John's Hitching Post, Pervis' Cafe, Skinney's Restaurant and the Sonic Drive In are sponsoring the event as well as selling food at the concession stand.

It is not clear at this time if Spears' estranged husband, former backup dancer and aspiring rapper Kevin Federline will be taking part in the festivities. Spears said she thought not.

Brit's Funtime Rodeo Extravaganza was moved to the week before Christmas, said Spears, so as not to conflict with Kentwood's "Dairy Capital of the South" festival. This annual event which is held in November (having been moved from June due to high temperatures) features a parade, music, and miscellaneous items for sale.

All money raised by Brit's Funtime Rodeo Extravaganza will go to the organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals which will use the funds to fight for lobster freedom and against any medical research involving animals.

Copyright 2006, Douglas Salguod

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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