SkyHype users to get lie detectors
London - (Ass Mess): Internet phone system SkyHype is to fit all its users with compulsory lie detectors in a surprise announcement made yesterday.
Read full storyMan Claims To Hear People Speaking In Tongues
A Dartford man from Dartford has made a sensational claim today of having heard people speaking in tongues.
Read full storyLabour sperm donors probe: who fathered baby Leo?
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Officers from the Met's Fraud Squad finally came a-knocking on the Prime Monster's front door today as the nation held its breath and waited for the answer to that pivotal question on every British voter's...
Read full storyGang attacks Michael Richards
Hollywood, Michael Richards was attacked by multicultural youths yesterday coming out of a popular ice cream shop.
Read full storyBritney Spears' vagina is free
Washington DC. - Britney Spears vagina had it's day in court. Superior Court Judge Seth Hardwood presided over the controversial issue of whether a body part can be emancipated from it's body.
Read full storyExplosion at Palace caused by Queen lighting own fart!
Fourteen fire appliances attended at Buckingham Palace today as fire-fighters battled to control a major blaze on the top floor of Buckingham Palace, thought to be started by the Queen igniting one of her own bottom burps.
Read full storyPope Benedict Beatifies George Clooney In Answer To Mel Gibson?
(Vatican City--Rome) Christmas miracle or an insult to Mel Gibson? First, it was St. George of England, who slew a dragon. Now, will it be St. George of Hollywood to the Catholic Church's rescue? Yes, if Pope Benedict XVI has his way. The Vatican...
Read full storyJolly Green Giant Cites Discrimination in Investigation of Taco Bell E. Coli Outbreak
According to the outraged Giant, "First they blamed green onions, then lettuce. Some people just don't like the color green."...
Read full storyThe Wicket, The Cricket and Eleven Penguins
In what can only be described as an act of pure genius, the English cricket team coach has forced legislation through Parliament, which will allow his team to win every game.
Read full storyFired says Di probe top cop 'was blackmailed like dog'
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Harabs' department store CEO Mohammed Fired has told the press that like his Poodle master in Number 10 Downing Street, former Metropolitan Police Commissioner Lord Stevens was 'made like a dog' by spooks w...
Read full storyAbramovich bankrolls £20 million detox rehab for Russian national football team
Moscow - (Ass Messki): Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich has pledged £20 million to finance a new facility for detoxification of his country's national football team in a deal sponsored by the Bloodyvostock Vodka Company.
Read full storyFree Cosmetic Surgery for Ugly Kids
Thousands of unpleasant looking children could be offered life changing cosmetic surgery if radical new Government health initiatives get the green light.
Read full storyUS Troops Destroy Giant Buddhas - Bamiyan Official Warns US In Deep Sansara
Habiba Surabi, Bamiyan's provincial governor warned the United States that the actions of their military today were an act of unspeakable destructiveness. Two, 20 story high sandstone statues of the Buddha were disintegrated as members of the U.S...
Read full storyTaco Bell Begins Offering Discount Headstones
Funeral costs can be quite expensive these days with the average price exceeding $14,000. Taco Bell, acknowledging that some of their patrons could, for lack of a better word, die from ordering a Burrito Supreme at Taco Bell wisely c...
Read full storyJared Fogle Spotted Going Biggie Size at Wendy's
Subway spokesman and former fattie Jared Fogle, who became famous for losing 350 pounds on his own Subway diet, was spotted yesterday by customers at a Wendy's restaurant. One restaurant employee, on conditions of anonymity, said that "Jare...
Read full storySign Up List for Death Doctor Kevorkian's Post Prison Patients Begins
A sign up list has begun for those wishing to be patients of Death Doctor Jack Kevorkian after his upcoming release from prison in June of 2007. The Doctor is serving the eighth year of a ten to twenty-five year sentence for aiding in assisted suici...
Read full storySuffolk Ripper is the new Polonium
Ipswich - (Ass Mess): Journalists hunting the latest scare story to terrorise the UK have admitted that the Suffolk Ripper, as he/she is being called after five women were found murdered in the Ipswich area, may be the latest twist in the Polonium ho...
Read full storyPorn Company "Girls Gone Wild" Producer Claims to have Learned a Lesson from Sentence
The producer and production company of the popular "Girls Gone Wild" video series claim to have learned their lesson after a recent court sentence. A Florida court fined Joe Francis and Mantra Films $1.6 million dollars after it was learned that at...
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