A sign up list has begun for those wishing to be patients of Death Doctor Jack Kevorkian after his upcoming release from prison in June of 2007. The Doctor is serving the eighth year of a ten to twenty-five year sentence for aiding in assisted suicide of terminally ill patients.
When asked what it took to become part of the list, attorney for the doctor Richard Evanston issued the following statement: "Requirements to be a new patient of the doctor are simple: the person must be terminally ill or have a really crappy life and wish they were dead.
"If you are a drooling vegetable, you're in. If you are incontinent and have raspy breath and your limbs are falling off, you're in. If you live in a trailer park in Arkansas, have three ex-wives and pay twice as much money in child support as you make collecting the shopping carts in the Wal-Mart parking lot, you're in. If you marriage just fell apart, you haven't had a hit single for several years, your acting career bombed, you hate the smell of poopy diapers and know you have a few more years of those to go, and you flashed your goodies to everyone when getting out of a car because you forgot to wear your panties, you're in. If you started a war in a foreign country because you thought that they had weapons of mass destruction, coerced the courts to make you president, have the lowest approval rating ever, have two alcoholic daughters, and know you'll be out of a job in two years and will never be a beloved ex-president, you're in.
"Dr. Kevorkian is setting his schedule and may be booked through August of the year 2008 already. He might, however, be able to squeeze in the occasional Hollywood Pop Princess or soon to be ex-President if there is enough public sentiment and he misses his golf day."
